#30daysofsharing | Day 10 : It Was Not My Pubic Hair!!!

By Ling

I have a funny thing about toilets.  And toilets have a funny thing about me { have you seen my vlog? }  I have a love-hate relationship with public toilets.  I detest public toilets because weird stuff happens to me there all the time, but at the same, I love them because I often need to empty my Peebox - yes, my bladder has a name { read the history about my Peebox }.

Anyway, I have a weird ritual thing I do in public toilets.

If there is a queue, I will be forced to use the next cubicle which becomes free.  Even if it is absolutely disgusting in there, I will still have to use it because beggars cannot be choosers especially when a long queue to pee is involved.

If there isn’t a queue, I will always skip the first cubicle and go to the second cubicle and check it out.  The reason behind the ‘first cubicle theory’ is that this toilet will have been used the most as it is the nearest one which means the greatest exposure to bacteria.  If the second cubicle doesn’t meet my standards, I will move onto the next and if none are suitable, only then will I check out the first cubicle.  I can afford to do this because there isn’t a queue.

The ideal toilet to pee in has the following traits – clean, toilet has been flushed, no pee remnants on the seat, no skidmarks in the bowl and adequate toilet roll so that I can layer up loads of it on the toilet seat.

So now you have a grasp of my weird public toilet ritual, allow me to share this toilet story from many years ago.

I was out with a group of friends.  And when I say friends, I am being very generous here because I don’t speak to any of them anymore and none of them are on my Facebook.  So, they definitely weren’t really my friends.  They were, in fact, my ex-boyfriend’s friends.  { Here is a small list of my ex-boyfriends back in 2004…I had to kiss a few more frogs till I landed the One :P }  And they didn’t really like me because I didn’t really have much to say to them.  Most of them were Hong Kong Chinese peeps and they like to cuss, drink and talk in Cantonese.  Seriously have no idea how I got involved in that bunch, but I did.  I tried to be nice and complimentary to the females in the bunch but they were all freakin’ moody bitches!!!  There was NO WAY that they would ever accept me…but hey ho.

So, back to the story, we were at a Chinese restaurant eating and I went to the toilet.  There were 2 cubicles so I walked into the second cubicle.  It looked clean enough to pee, but there wasn’t any toilet roll.  DAMN!  So I went to the first cubicle and checked it out…and OMG!  There was the longest frizziest black pubic hair ever on the toilet seat.  I repelled with horror.  I grabbed some toilet roll and went to do my business in the second cubicle.

I washed my hands and looked around for paper towels – NONE.  Hand dryer was kaputt too.  Stupid cheapass Chinese restaurants who are too cheap to supply paper towels and too cheap to fix hand dryers!  So I went to the first cubicle and grabbed toilet roll to dry my hands as I stared at the long pubic hair and then, I chucked the toilet roll down the toilet and flushed.  I walked out the first cubicle and in walked Janice …

Janice.  Not her real name, btw.  She was the pretty girlfriend of a rather ugly guy.  I always wondered what she saw in the rather ugly guy.  He wasn’t funny, nor charming.  I thought she could have done way better, based on looks alone.  But then she had an Ice Queen exterior.  Everyone seemed beneath her.  She never returned any of my smiles.  I don’t believe I ever saw her smile.  But anyway…back to the story…

In walked Janice.  Totally ignored my presence.  And she brushed past me and headed straight into the first cubicle (why doesn’t she follow the ‘first cubicle theory’?).  The cubicle with the extra long black pubic hair.  The cubicle which I just walked out of.  The cubicle with the toilet which had the sounds of the “I’ve just been flushed” sounds!!!!!!!!!!!

Like OMG!!!!!!!!  I stood there!  Shocked.  It was too late to tell her that there was a pubic hair there…

Because 1.5 seconds later, she came out with a disgusting look on her face.  She looked at me and gave me the dirtiest look which screamed “You are DISGUSTING Ling!  I know that pubic hair belongs to you and you need a trim, girlfriend!” and went into the second cubicle.

Yup, she must have thought that the pubic hair belonged to me because :-

1.  I had just walked out of that cubicle
2.  I must have just done my business in there because the toilet had been flushed
3.  The pubic hair was definitely of Asian descent and since I was the last Asian in that cubicle…

I was MORTIFIED.  But I knew there was NOTHING I could have done to rectify the situation.  She would NEVER believe me if I had tried to explain.  This happened years ago…even before this blog was born in 2004.  I am sure she probably remembers me as Ling, the girl with the longest and frizziest pubic hair!  Well, I can’t take credit for that title because IT WAS NOT MY PUBIC HAIR!

Blog Bucket List : Write a blog post about pubic hair.  Done!

P.S. The photo of the pubic hair on the toilet seat does NOT belong to me…but one of my colleagues…!!!  But that is another story for another day! ;)

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