Are You Friends With Your Ex’s Friends?

Posted by Ling on February 26, 2011

Let’s not delve into the topic whether you are friends with your ex.  Simply put, let’s just say that regardless of what is said at the time of break-up, the “We’ll still be friends” line, it’s just a lie.  It’s virtually impossible to stay friends.  I mean, yeah, you can keep them on your Facebook and all – for the occasional stalking to see what they’re up to – but at the end of the day, it’s OVER!

But what happens to the friendships you made with your ex’s friends?  Do you still remain friends?  Or CAN you still be friends?

Is there an unwritten rule about being friends with your ex’s friends?  Can anyone help me out here?

Personally, I think it is okay to be friends with your ex’s friends BUT as long as you don’t force them to take sides.

When MY Friends Went Over To The Dark Side

I was frankly, DISGUSTED, yes, disgusted at the behaviour of one of my exes.  (I shall not name and shame him – but let’s just call him Chris Brown and call me Rhianna!)  Somehow, he wormed his way into some of my “so-called” friend(s) live(s).  Yes, he corrupted their mind(s) and then they became better friends with him than they did with me.  We dated over 10 years ago and I am long over it and I don’t give a sh*t about him or anything – but it’s the fact that 10 years later, he hasn’t let go!

How do I know this?  Well…some “friend(s)” (imagine me doing the fingers sign for the inverted commas ” “) that I had personally invited to our wedding, turned up briefly and then left.  No photographic evidence and perhaps, no wedding card too (cannot confirm because it may have been misplaced) – but can definitely can confirm – no photographic evidence dammit!  (I’m upset because I wanted a photo with everyone, somehow…)

Anyway, to cut an extremely long story short (although I have dragged it out) – it turns out that one of them confessed why they turned up only for a short while.  Wait for this…  Apparently (notice how I put up lots of non-committal words – I should write gossip for gossip magazines), this person said that they felt uncomfortable and awkward staying too long at our wedding because it’s different now that they are good friends with Chris Beater Brown!  WTF?  You just met this guy!  We have been friends longer and I have never ever bad-mouthed him to you.  Which obviously concludes that Chris Brown has been poisoning my “so-called” friend(s) against me.  Let go, dude, seriously!  And stop spreading sh*t about me…I have bigger sh*t on you but you know what, I don’t need to drag up history and say anything because one day, everyone will know what you did to me…

Dear “so-called” friend(s),

Yes, I know you got an evening invitation to our wedding on a weekday but I wanted you to be there because I thought we were friends and I don’t like excluding anyone.  Even if you thought it was crap, at least stay and take a photo with me!  And if the real reason why you left is because of your allegiance with Chris Brown, then good luck and you suck!

None of Chris Brown’s friends are my friends.  They took his side.
Some of my true friends are still friends with Chris Brown.  They don’t take sides.  That’s cool.  I can handle that.  But if any of them were to step over to his side…but nah, they love me, so I know they won’t…right???!!!

Being Friends With My Ex’s Friends

So, interestingly, moving onto another ex (yes, I’ve heard the village bicycle jokes before!)…some of his friends are still on my Facebook.  Okay, we don’t hang out, but you know, I occasionally comment on their status or photo and they do the same back.  No-one is taking sides.  We’re all pretty cool that way.  In fact, one of them invited me to their wedding last year in UK.  Yes, I happened to be in UK at that time…but I was already booked to go to my other friend’s wedding.  However, if I wasn’t booked up, I would have gone…Thank God, I was busy because the ex was there with his girlfriend (who he kinda two-timed me with!)  Fear not, I was waaaaaaay over him…but it’s always a little bit awkward around ex-boyfriends and their current girlfriends – I don’t think current girlfriends generally like their boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends.  And we all know that I’m HOT!  *ahem* (typo – read NOT!)

You may wonder what is going on in my mind to trigger me to write this post tonight.

Let me tell you what is NOT on my mind :-

1.  I actually don’t give two flying ducks about the non-photographed “so-called” friend(s) who left my wedding early because of Chris Brown.  Hello, I have moved to Australia, do I need to give a toss about people who obviously don’t give a toss about me anyway?  If you read this and think it is about you, please don’t send me a Facebook message to explain yourself…it’s okay!  Let’s pretend you never read this and we can all sweep it under the carpet.

2.  Chris Brown is definitely not on my mind.  I don’t even have the urge to do the “I’m going to Facebook stalk my ex-boyfriend” thing.  I’ve moved on and I have a life!

3.  Just in case, I want to add that my mind is not on the other ex mentioned in this post…nor any of my other ex-boyfriends (here comes the village bicycle joke again!).

(Pull) The Trigger

The trigger was a message I received on my food blog the other day.  It was from an ex-boyfriend’s university classmate.  Coincidentally, she is also the sister of a guy from my Glasgow church.  And she is the sister-in-law of a girl who studied at the same university who was friends with my sisters.  And I have her husband on my Facebook (remember the part about how I still have friends of my ex on my Facebook…).  AND check this – I attended her wedding!!  Remember I had that toothpaste drama in Belfast…  (See the benefits of blogging – a) message from an ex’s friend and b) recalling forgotten memories)

I thought it was extremely sweet of her to leave me a message.  She could have become another silent blog reader (like you!).  And then, I found out that she has a blog too.  Full of Chanel handbags and gladrags.  I spent an hour reading her entire blog.  It sucked me in!  The girl’s got taste.  And she had only been blogging for like, 2 years.  And like, she had more comments and followers than me.  And like, she has lovely Chanel handbags and all that.  And like, she writes really well.  And like, it sounds like I have handbag envy…but in fact, I have blog envy!!  Haha.

What?  What’s her website?  Okay, you can click on the link ONLY if you promise to be loyal and faithful to my blog first!  You can’t ditch me because I need you!  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Squeeze the Pug.

Your Thoughts

Are you friends with your ex’s friends?  Should you be friends with your ex’s friends?  How does it make you feel?

Or are you friends with your friend’s ex?  Are you stuck in the middle?  Do you want to take sides?