If you have been reading from the start of my blogs, you will have noticed that I have mentioned scars from a car crash. It was 6 years and 8 days ago. Sounds like a long time but I remember that night clearly.
Two of my friends – who are no longer my friends (reasons not related to the car crash) – Mr Driver and Ms Passenger were chatting away on the journey from Glasgow (my family home) to Dundee (my place of study) which takes 1.5 hours. I was sleeping in the backseat.
So I have this weird habit – my feet like to breathe, so I take my shoes off in cars, cinemas, restaurants, wherever is convenient. Anyway, he was cruising away at 80mph on the motorway, when suddenly, Ms Passenger spotted my sexy feet and told Mr Driver to look. What did he do? Yes, he turned his attention away from driving to LOOK AT MY FEET. Dear drivers, never ever do that!
Not only did his face turn but his hands turned the steering wheel too. The screams from Ms Passenger woke me up. I remember I opened my eyes for 2 seconds.
I saw the car swerve into the left barrier, but Mr Driver tried to counteract this, but it didn’t work. The car flew up into the air and it somersaulted a few times before finally landing in the middle of the motorway.
Mr Driver and Ms Passenger got some minor cuts, but nothing major. They turned round to check on me….but wait a minute…WTF?
I was lying in the middle of the motorway! Yes, I was! Oncoming traffic had to avoid me! What happened? During the somersaults, I got chucked out the side window!! Yes, SIDE WINDOW! Not the front window. But the tiny freakin’ side window!!!
I lost consciousness during this time. But I remember this – no, my whole life didn’t flash before my eyes and no, I did not see the white tunnel. But I saw green grass, blue sky, white clouds and hills and a sky view of a car driving along the mountainside, which then zoomed in slowly and I saw myself in the car. An outer body experience?? I don’t know…but I can still remember…
I woke up, covered in glass, dirt and it was soooo cold.
I tried but I couldn’t move.
I felt warm blood trickle down my eyes.
I heard so many voices…“she’s waking up!”…“She’s not dead!”…“It’s okay the ambulance is on its way!”
All I wanted was my mum. I was surprised to hear my calm and collected voice – “Please (please? my manners were still working!!) call my Mum…the number is…”
Yep, I still remembered my phone number!
I remember the life skills my Dad taught me as a young child. He always told me to keep my brain active.
I remember testing myself with questions (all in my head while this is going on) – “What is your name?” ”What is your date of birth?” ”What is the 7 times table?”
A kind passer-by had wrapped a car blanket round my body. I was shivering so much. My eye was really sore because of the grit in it. (Thank God I was sleeping because I had taken my glasses off. If I had kept them on, maybe glass would have cut my eyes)
The ambulance arrived. Sirens. Wowee!! I got the oxygen mask and boy, it was amazing. I still remember that my breathing went to the ultimate levels of being high!!
It’s a miracle – I had no broken bones, but suffered bruises and lacerations on my face, body, back, neck, chest, legs, arms and chunks of my hair fell out…
I have never been confident about my looks but when I saw myself for the first time in the mirror, I almost wished that I had died. At least I knew I would be in Heaven and didn’t have my ugly facial scars.
But I guess it wasn’t my time. I must still be alive for some reason….and yes, I am still wondering why….waiting…waiting for my calling….
I used to want the “study hard / graduate / career / money / marriage / children” thing…but is that fulfilling??
Sometimes when I touch my scars, I still feel the pain. It looks so ugly, but it reminds me of God’s love…
The first time I went out after the car crash, this little girl about 5 years old, cried out for her mum because my face scared her. I’m sorry.
Remember Ex-Boyfriend #2 from here? He told me that no guy would love me because of my scars. And I believed this lie for so many years… It’s a lie!!!
I believe in inner beauty. I may not have outer beauty with my scars, but at least I can work on my inner beauty.
Thank God for saving me.