Confessions Of A Lifesaver

Picture this scene…

You’re a luscious long-haired blonde babe enjoying the scorching sun, when suddenly you notice someone struggling in the sea.

Immediately, you go into rescue mode – fling the binoculars to one side, radio the rescue headquarters, off with the sunglasses, off with the jacket and run across the sand and towards the sea.

Onlookers are watching you dive into the sea in your red swimming costume (which, incidentally, shows off your amazingly toned body) and drag the drowning victim to safety.

The victim is not showing signs of life, so you have to perform CPR – chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Cough, splutter – and woohoo, you’ve saved another life.

They are eternally grateful, but before you can enjoy the looks of admiration from everyone, you return back to your work area; looking around to ensure the safety of any other drowning victims.

You are secretly pleased with yourself for choosing a rewarding, but highly demanding job.

(Obviously during all this drama, there is loud thumping exciting music on in the background…)

…and CUT!  Yes, this is Baywatch!!!

Because in reality, it is NOT as glamorous!

How do I know?

Well…

I am not a lifeguard, just a boring dentist, but yesterday, I saved a life!!!

It was unexpected.
I saw the victim drowning.
I screamed.
I didn’t have time to whip off my clothing!
Without any hesitation, I reached forward, even though I was very afraid of the water, and grabbed the victim to safety.
I could see the signs of life deteriorating.
They were drenched in water.
I knew I had limited time.
Quickly, I removed the outer clothing before the CPR-equivalent could be commenced.
It was all happening so fast.
My sister rushed over to see all the commotion.
My sister grimaced.
It was not exactly a pretty sight.
Slowly, but surely, I could see some life flickering.
The poor thing was ordered to rest after all the drama.
I didn’t get a word of thanks because to be honest, it was my fault.
Nevertheless, I was proud of myself for my quick actions and for being so brave.

Oh yes!  I am a lifesaver.
I saved the life of my dearly beloved mobile phone!
It slipped out the pocket off my pyjamas and plopped into the toilet!
Although I hadn’t peed into the toilet yet, I am sure that the water was infested with bacteria.
Ugh!
But I did the right thing and grabbed it out.
Removed the battery and SIM card.
Shook out excess water and blow dried it with hot air from the hairdryer
(This is all based on the basic principles of CPR!!)
The light screen was flickering on/off…but after resting it on the radiator overnight, it is once again, restored!
Thank God!
My sister was grossed out…haha!
If it had died, I would have blamed myself forever for stupidly endangering the phone by putting it in my pyjama pocket…and I would have had to fork out for a brand new mobile phone…

Instead, I have a battered and bruised and toilet-water-stained mobile phone which I will have to bring close to my face when I use it to call people….

Hmm…on second thoughts, maybe I should have let it drown – death by pee!