Greatest Mysteries
Posted by Ling on February 23, 2005
Many greatest mysteries in the world remain unsolved.
Who REALLY killed JFK?
Who REALLY killed Princess Diana?
Is there REALLY a Loch Ness monster?
What REALLY happened in Roswell?
Anyway, a few days ago, I solved not one, but TWO of the greatest mysteries of all time AT THE SAME TIME! It’s a long story so please allow me to set the scene…
As you may already know, I moved back to Glasgow after 6 long years studying in Dundee. I moved from my cool student flat back to my family home. Our house in Glasgow is of a reasonable size, but there are 10 of us in the family (including my cousin from Hong Kong) so no-one in our family has their own room apart from my Dad.
I used to have my own bedroom until I moved to Dundee in 1998. Sis 4 moved in and we shared a bedroom. So when I moved back to Glasgow in July 2004, we shared a bedroom for only a month because I could no longer stand her sleeping habits – loud snoring and loud deadly smelly farts in the middle of the night!!!!! (she’s gonna kill me!!)
It was then decided that I would move up to the third floor of the house – the attic. It’s big up there with a 50 inch TV, a library, 2 bedrooms, a snooker table, wardrobes and a shower and toilet – it’s only missing a kettle! (hint, hint MUM) Yeah, so I was the queen of the attic because no-one wanted to live up there with me.
Rewind back to September 2004, when I discovered the first mystery. I got home from a hard day at work, showered, had my dinner and watched TV and then headed for bed. As I went to brush my teeth, I noticed a Garfield book lying on my toilet floor – Strange! Where did that come from?? It wasn’t there when I took a shower…was it? Being a messy girl (ahem!), I just left it there. It mysteriously disappeared a few weeks later and I forgot all about it.
A few months later, one of my old Bunty comics appeared on the toilet floor – Hey, Bunty! Long time no see – and I picked it up and read it in bed.
That is the mystery of the books lying on the toilet floor.
Here comes the next mystery :-
Last month I was chilling with the boyfriend in the attic.
Being the owner of the peebox, I went to pee in my attic toilet. I went in, locked the door – OH CRAP!!!!
Yes, I literally mean crap!! There was a huge log lodged in the toilet!!
I couldn’t understand it. Yes, I am a lady (ahem!) and I do have bowel movements, but the huge floater which was staring at me didn’t look like my usual mess. I quickly flushed the toilet. Thank God the boyfriend didn’t see this, otherwise, he would have dumped (PUN INTENDED) me on the spot – LOL
That is the mystery of the big floater blocking the toilet.
So how did I solve these mysteries? Read on…
A few days ago, I came home from another hard day at work. Two brothers were playing a game in the kitchen. Dinner wasn’t ready yet, so I head upstairs to the attic. The attic light was on, which was strange because I always turn the lights off when I leave… – Oh, maybe the boyfriend is planning another surprise…
I got a surprise! I sure did! The toilet door was wide open, for all to see…
It was my youngest brother, Bro 7, the same brother with the sweet talk…
The little sneak was doing a big fat crap whilst reading a Garfield book. His trousers were on the floor. He was engrossed in crapping and reading all at the same time!! (I didn’t realise boys were capable of multi-tasking!)
I can still picture him – His bum was sucked into the toilet, his little fat chubby legs were swinging back and forth and his toes weren’t long enough to touch the floor
Me : What the…??? Why on earth are you here?? (I interrogated him while holding my nose so I wouldn’t breathe in the essence of crap)
Bro 7 : To do a poo! – he said it in a “Like, DUH!-What-else-do-you-do-in-the-toilet?” tone and went back to reading…
Me : Get out, you smelly boy!!
I walked off in disgust…
And there you go – two greatest mysteries of all time solved in one day – the mystery of the books lying on the toilet floor and the mystery of the big floater blocking the toilet.
CASES CLOSED
enoch_hlh said,
LL jehjeh come over mine la! i’ll give you a room all to yourself! :love:
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tiko_tusukimi said,
haha! i kinda guessed it was one of the brothers hehe.
ur so lucky to have the whole attic to urself – u could turn it into a whole flat by itself!!!
ceci^_^
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thepianogenius said,
hehe that was well funny!
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thebiggee said,
Hahahahahaha!
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seanafunk said,
phew. I thought you were gonna blame me
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sor_paw_ellen said,
hahaha!!! i share a toilet with like 4 other ppl… The mess it gets into.. *sigh* quite disguting actually.. oh yeh!! Loch Ness Monster?! I stayed in a B&B right next to it before Feb 2004.. tellling ya, it’s scary.. i don’t think it does exist.. anyways, the lock was HEUGE!
cya…
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Greatest Mysteries 2 | Extracts Of Me said,
[...] Greatest Mysteries 2 [...]
Sweet Talk #2 | Extracts Of Me said,
[...] I was doing big sisterly duties the other night, sending Bro 6 and Bro 7 to bed. (Remember Bro 7 from here and here) [...]
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