How To Get Over A Break-Up
Posted by Ling on October 20, 2007
At work, I often seek my other colleagues for advice as they have worked way longer than me; but they rarely ask me anything due to my lack of experience.
Recently, I was with 5 of my Christian girlfriends and we started talking about boy-girl relationships and this progressed on to ‘how to get over a break-up’…and before I knew it, all eyes turned to me…
Darn it! I’d love to be more experienced at work, at political matters, at church stuff….but NOT relationships! I’m like the village bicycle!!!
And my advice regarding relationships is – Don’t rush in.
I’ve had 3 previous relationships which all started for the wrong reasons and they all ended kinda badly because to put it in simple terms – I’m a b*tch…I just wake up one day and realise that I don’t see a future for us and then say my goodbyes.
As a Christian, I should have prayed and asked God for His guidance, but I didn’t. I was foolish and that is why those previous relationships failed – they weren’t God-centred.
I haven’t been dumped before so I don’t really know how that feels. But dumping someone is just as difficult. It’s easy to stay in a relationship because of its convenience, but please, it’s better to end it now than later, when expectations get even higher, i.e. marriage, kids…
Everyone gets over a break-up in their own different ways, so there is no single answer. But for me, these were my tried and tested methods…
Ling’s advice on How to get over a break-up…
DO :-
1. Ignore them – yes, you can remain friends, but not during this vulnerable period as it is easy to break up and get back together…and then break up again….vicious cycle…don’t go there!
2. De-clutter your room - hide away anything that reminds you of that person
3. Cry – just let it out, but no self-pitying allowed! There ARE plenty of fish in the sea!
4. Talk to God, your friends and family – they will care and support you – but don’t go overboard! Who wants to hear the same stories for the 100,000th time??
5. Go do fun stuff to forget about the sadness – eat, hang with friends, retail therapy, etc
DO NOT :-
1. Rush into a new relationship – you are not emotionally ready (I did this before and ruined my new relationship because I kept going on and on about my previous relationship! ugh!)
2. Go psycho and stalk your ex (my ex did this which made me REALLY glad that I split with him)
3. Have suicidal tendencies – it is NOT the end of the world!! (again, my ex did this and showed me the scars and it didn’t make me take him back because of his undying love for me – it just freaked me out)
4. Bitch about your ex and reveal intimate secrets – respect them because you may be friends later (only 1 out of 3 exes remains my friend and we have (semi) mutual respect for each other)
5. Hate yourself and think that you’re ugly / fat / whatever – just because that person isn’t for right for you, it doesn’t mean that you won’t find another
6. Hang around (fake) friends who flaunt their successful relationships in your face - make new friends!
7. Dwell in this failed relationship. Move on!
For ages, I would dwell on my failed relationships. I regretted them. I hated them. I hated myself. I couldn’t understand why I was compatible with these guys initially, but then things turned sour. I couldn’t understand why there weren’t any fairytale endings. I really lost myself and my identity. I turned to *bad self-destructive stuff*…things I am too ashamed to share here…
But they no longer haunt me, like they once did. I returned to God’s open arms and He took all the pain, anger and hurt away.
I prayed and God answered them.
I met Mr Geek. We didn’t rush in. We took our time. He prayed. I prayed. My family prayed. My friends prayed.
(I am not too sure if his family and friends prayed, but I hope they did)
We prayed together.
And no, I’m not saying it’s been an easy relationship. We have our ups and downs. Yes, we are engaged…but this has probably been our most trying time – with him being in London and me being in Glasgow. Long distance relationships suck! But you know, if we were to break up tomorrow, I know I would be upset and heartbroken, but I know that I would be in safe hands and somehow, everything would turn out perfect one day…
In conclusion : Break-ups are not the end of the world!
Leah_002 said,
great post there, something which i can totally relate to
[Reply]
thebiggee said,
Haha!! Village bicycle!! Good one!
[Reply]
Saturday December 15, 2007 | Extracts Of Me said,
[...] for anyone else who is going through a break-up, please read my advice on how to get over a break-up. AKPC_IDS += "2433,";Popularity: unranked [?] Filed Under: Love Life, Only Me Comments: 7 [...]
Closure | Extracts Of Me said,
[...] life When a relationship ends, it takes a lot time to get over it. When I wrote this post, I did not fully comprehend how difficult it is to move on and gain closure. For a long time, I [...]
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