I’m A Ticking Waterbomb!
Posted by Ling on April 22, 2011
I’ve been depressed lately. Yeah, what’s new? Anything big or small can easily make me cry. I’m depressed about a lot of things so I am going to list the reasons one by one.
But before I do, there is no need to panic, I am not going to kill myself or leave my Husband or do anything crazy. Blogging about it is therapy for me. Please don’t judge me either. And please please please, if you know me in real life, do not talk to me about it. It makes it awkward. I don’t like talking about my feelings but if you want me to write about it and let the whole world know via internet, I am totally cool with that. Talk about it? Please! Let’s never go there. (Yes, old faithful readers know never to talk about my blog to my face, but new readers don’t know that about me. And yes, I am weird like that.)
Now that is all out of the way, I can carry on with my this post. Here are the reasons why I am a ticking waterbomb :-
1. I am homesick and miss my crazy dysfunctional family.
It was one of my brother’s birthday recently (a few days after my Mum’s) and it just made me sad. My younger siblings are growing up and I am not around to witness that. People may think Skype is the answer to all homesickness but it’s not. I hate Skyping. It makes me feel like I am missing out on more. Instead, I prefer not being in contact with them so I forget and not think about them too much.
2. I miss my friends. All of them.
People think it’s easy to make friends here. Most of them are the Husband’s friends and I often hear them talk about their memories and the fun they had this time and that time. No, I am not jealous and wish that I was there too. I think about my memories and history with my friends. Sure, we can create new memories in Melbourne together but it’s not the same. The new friendships I have been making are totally different to the ones at home. I have been making lots of new girlfriends and hardly any guy friends. Some girls scare me, some girls don’t. It’s weird.
3. I am fat!
Okay, before anyone says anything, I would like to state that I have gone up two dress sizes! I may still look small, but I don’t feel it. I can’t zip up my favourite jeans, I can’t wear my dresses, etc. People don’t understand. To me, I AM FAT! To others, I am not and they think I am moaning about nothing. But they just don’t understand. I don’t mean that I am obese. You don’t have to be size 30 to be fat!!!!!!!! I can be a size 10/12 and be fat. And no, I don’t think I look better being this size. Yes, it is my fault for over-eating – but please remember, I am depressed so I will binge!!!
The Husband came home the other day and found me hiding in one of the bedrooms in the dark in the corner eating chocolate cake and ice-cream. I have such an unhealthy relationship with food. ARGH!!! And I hate me even more for lack of willpower.
But I am going to join the gym soon. Which leads me to the next reason why I am depressed…
4. We are skint.
So one of the reasons why I haven’t joined the gym sooner is lack of money. We just don’t have money for such luxuries – but since I am turning FAT, I have decided to spend money we don’t really have.
As you may already know, the Husband had a career change and is now an apprentice. An apprentice earns peanuts. End of.
As for me, yes, people always say dentists earn lots of money and it’s easy for dentists to get a job. NO IT IS NOT TRUE!!! I have had job offers but nothing suits – people may think that I am being picky and in some ways, it is true – but why should I compromise my work ethics or sign a contract unwillingly. I do have a Friday part-time job but it pays peanuts because I work in the community centre.
And well, I hate having to watch what I spend. I also hate the fact that I have to justify purchases to my Husband even though I earn most of the money we have. I have a never-ending wishlist of things I want. I want to go on holiday. I want to go back to UK. I want a new camera. I want, I want!
5. Lack of romance.
The Husband and I have totally different love languages. I am dreaming of romantic love poems – but I will never get that. While we were dating, I would get back massages and foot rubs. Now, nothing. My requests for back massages have been unsuccessful. While we were dating, he would always insist on “just us” time – but now we are married, we hardly ever get “just us” time. And then, I wish we could go for romantic getaways – but we have no money!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!! I don’t know. Maybe I have high expectations. I mean, don’t get me wrong. There are great things about marriage. I just wish there was more romance!
Oh, there are only 5 reasons to my depression. Gosh, I feel so much better now that I’ve blogged about it. Haha. Thanks for reading.
Note : It is not PMS nor am I pregnant. It’s just me.
Tine said,
It’s freaky how similar our situations are. I missed my friends tremendously too when I first came to Australia. I had only one friend, and the rest were Tim’s (doctors aren’t exactly pleasant company when all they can talk about during meals is work). No friends, no job, missed my family, my friends, lack of romance, you named it.
It became a lot easier through blogging. I met so many new people, and they’ve become fast friends. I knew my best friend through our blogs. I’m so glad to say that I now have more of a social life than Tim
It takes time and patience. It’s a pain in the ass to have to watch my spending too, since I don’t have a proper job (guilt in spending Tim’s money? Hell yeah). Very important to note: do NOT let beauty blogging pressure you into buying more stuff to review. I feel that way sometimes, and it’s not good for the pocket
Just buzz me anytime you wanna catch up for lunch/coffee/drinks/etc
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 2:42 pm
@Tine, It’s so good to know someone who knows what I am going through. And yes, I have to say that beauty blogging has helped me through a lot in terms of meeting and getting to know new people and to pass time.
And Tine, you have totally hit the nail on the head (is that the right saying??) – I do actually feel a tad pressurised to keep up with other beauty bloggers – I want luxurious goodies to review too. Eeeeks!! And I shouldn’t because I have so much stuff to use up.
And yes, I will definitely buzz (BUG) you very soon
Thanks!!!!!!!
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Kw said,
Ling – the reasons specified by u r very common of that of every individual’s post marriage be it that of a man or a woman. I have heard from a male colleague that he was ‘enticed’ by his to be wife. In his case, he did not propose to his wife after they dated one another for 8 ‘solid’ years. Finally, the wife’s parents suggested to my colleague that they shouldn’t wait any longer. U are lucky in that your Dorky went to the extent of going up the hills to propose to you. Before marriage his to be wife would prepare home cooked breakfast for him (mind you @5.30am) before he left for work. After marriage, things took a turn – he wasn’t was offered a cup of coffee for breakfast as his wife was still fast asleep when he left for work! Note: They now have two teenagers! Next, he have to give foot & body massages almost every night to his wife. His wife would be watching her favourite TV program while he performs the foot massages. Thus he don’t even have the chance to do so . My friend like every married person puts on weight & he went to the gym to ‘tone’ up his body after work but his wife told him to come early to do housework. So life isn’t rosy for him too. Tortiurous ! But life has to go on ! Like in my previous reply ‘Tolerance’ is the word. Cheer-up! Every families have it’s ups and down. So look towards the good points in your hubby.
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 2:47 pm
@Kw, Thanks for your recent comments and advice Kw. Good to know that everyone feels the same about things post-marriage. LOL. And yes, tolerance is vital!
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Ness said,
I just posted this on my blog not long ago.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/bStI7W-Pjc8
But I think the lyrics are very comforting
Things will turn up
its only a matter of time!
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 2:49 pm
@Ness, Awww, thanks lovely! Listening to the comforting song now
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~(_"_) said,
miss u too lol.. and ur sisters are not responding to my texts hahaha
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 2:49 pm
@~(_”_), Awww, thanks! They just like to play hard to get!!! LOL
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4 said,
Aww cheer up! 2 will be over soon XD
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 24th, 2011 at 10:35 pm
@4, Is she???
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Rachel said,
Hold in there
And re the marriage stuff – if you have a man who loves you, anything can be fixed with ‘sit down get real’ communication!
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 24th, 2011 at 10:35 pm
@Rachel, Thanks lovely….but my man cannot be fixed!!! LOL
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rachel Reply:
April 24th, 2011 at 10:57 pm
@Ling Tung, XP if you say soo
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Oz said,
hey ling sorry i’ve been so out of touch. haven’t read your blog in A-G-E-S! but great to know what’s up with you…like, honestly, via your blog! yeah after the honeymoon comes a trial moment in everyone’s life yeah? you are blessed and things could be so much worse…but u jetted off to australia and found your man! that is already much to be thankful for. anyway…what is God telling u in all this?
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 25th, 2011 at 10:59 pm
@Oz, Thanks Oz. Pity you closed down your blog so I don’t know what is going on in your life!
God loves me! 
And He is telling me to spend more time with Him and fully rely on Him…so erm, I really should do that instead of whining!!!
And yes, I am truly blessed but it doesn’t stop me being a whiny old cow!!
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Chrissie L said,
‘just us’ time is so valuable, i hope you and your husband spend more time together! its most important, no matter how busy each person is! its even more valuable when you are in a long distance relationship
you know the funny thing is, me and edwin’s favourite date is to sit on a sofa watching simpsons and eating domino’s pizza
we rarely go out for expensive dinners, but its not so much to do with the lack of money as it is to do with the fact that (1) we’re too lazy and (2) we like to cosy up in our own environment and talk loud and laugh without having to pretend to be high class outside.
take care and hope you get happier soon! x
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 25th, 2011 at 11:01 pm
@Chrissie L , Awww, you and Edwin are so sweet together!!!
That’s exactly what we did this weekend – we just lay on the couch and ate junk food and watch DVDs – it was brilliant!
I guess I just need to be more grateful as I am blessed
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beetrice said,
Everything in its time dearie – things have a way of working themselves out. Just rest assured that whatever the problems, they’re only temporary.
And in any case, let me know if you’re feeling homesick for anything in particular before I come over to Melb (as long as it passes customs!) yeah? Coming with an empty bag (duh, shopping!) so will have plenty of space…just pls don’t ask me to smuggle a person/ pet over…
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 25th, 2011 at 11:04 pm
@beetrice, Thanks lovely for your supportive comment. And wait a minute – you’re shopping in Melbourne?? But it’s like thrice the price – in regards to beauty stuff. What are you going to buy here? I guess the fashion is pretty cool depending where you shop. Not that I know – as I am pretty unfashionable! LOL. Actually, can you smuggle me over on the way home? Haha, and I’ll go shopping there!!!!
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Davi said,
Hi, for items 1 and 2. You are an adventurer. You have chosen the unknown.That does not mean that you occasionally yearn for the things that are comfortable, but this is not the real you. It will pass.
Items 4 and 5 you need to talk to the hubby and tell him what you need. You guys need to get busy if you know what I mean, it cures alot. Twice a day for a while
As for the weight gain it happens to all us women in our late 20′s. You are not alone. No one really tells you about this. The days of eating anything you want end. You do not realize until your favorite pair of jeans no longer zip. It is a bummer. My five girlfriends and I all have put on weight after 25. We are not fat but fatter like you. We have all put on 10-15 pounds and none of us fit in our skinny jeans or fat jeans for that matter. We all had to go out and buy bigger jeans and skirts etc.
When you are married it is hard to loose the chub. Your man tells you he thinks your tummy is cute and insists you have dessert. So you loose the motivation to loose weight. He loves you curvier.
All the best,
Davi
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 27th, 2011 at 8:22 pm
@Davi, Awww, thanks for the fantastic advice Davi.
So funny about “twice a day” LOL! I don’t think I have such a great libido. Maybe you have helpful tips???
As for weight gain, it’s great to know what I am not alone!!! I suppose I’d rather be chubbier but happy than be skinnier and not as happy.
Awaiting your reply about “twice a day” tips…LOL
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Laura said,
Aw
I know what it’s like to have moved to a new place and not have any proper friends. I came to Manchester in August and haven’t made any friends yet. It’s tough.
Bring back your “just us” time!
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Ling Tung Reply:
April 27th, 2011 at 8:24 pm
@Laura, Good to know I’m not alone! I think that’s why I started beauty blogging – it’s to combat boredom. “just us” is fab but unfortunately, he has friends here and I don’t! *sulks*
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