So we had our Genetic Counselling session today…and to be brutally honest, it was a waste of time. She told us stuff that I already knew – thanks to Google and my medically trained brain. In fact, she was stumped by the questions I asked her. So stumped that we shall now see not 1, not 2, but 3 more specialists to answer my neverending questions – the “Alpha Thalassamia Guru”, the “Obstetrician” and the “IVF Specialists”. I asked about adoption in Australia and…she said…”Google it!” NO JOKE!!!
I don’t know how many times I have to say this because some people don’t seem to understand how serious this is… It’s got to the point where I just ignore what some people say because they just don’t understand.
YES, I KNOW there is 75% chance that we will have a healthy baby. BUT WHAT IF?
The EARLIEST they can diagnose the problem is 14 weeks. FOURTEEN WEEKS!!! That’s a long LONG time. So what would I do? Would I deny it if people asked if I was pregnant? (HECK, people already suspect I am pregnant when it’s just FAT!)
Definitive testing through chorionic villus sampling which has 1% chance of miscarriage.
Amniocentesis has 1 in 200 chance of miscarriage.
And then, imagine…just imagine…I find out at FOURTEEN WEEKS that there is a problem. What next?
Basically, alpha thalassaemia major babies are “INCOMPATIBLE WITH LIFE”! - These were the Genetic Counsellor’s exact words.
I wanted to know when such babies would die. She said shortly before or just after birth. But what are the stats? Tell me more! She didn’t know. Refer to “Alpha Thalassaemia Guru” (her words, not mine).
When I asked what would happen if I refused termination if this were to happen, she looked at me…rather shocked… She said that after working in the field for over 10 years, she had never seen a couple continue with such pregnancies.
Why is that? There are complications for the mother. What complications? She didn’t know. I wanted to know the exact statistics of death. She didn’t know. Refer to “Obstetrician”.
She wasn’t entirely sure about IVF. Refer to “IVF Specialist”.
Don’t know why I am upset considering I knew this months ago.
How would you feel if you got pregnant and had to wait 14 weeks to find out if it was an alpha thalassamia major baby who is “incompatible with life”? Would you be happy arranging a termination appointment…or would you be happy to wait till it died naturally – and if so, risk dying along with it??
YES! There you go! SO DON’T TELL ME THAT THERE IS A 75% CHANCE OF EVERYTHING BEING OKAY!! BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW EITHER! And if the 25% were to happen…what then? Yes, you can carry on living your life…whereas I…well…WE would have to go through with whatever we decide!
Gosh, I’m such a drama queen sometimes! I need to lighten up! Apologies, but life is pretty stressful at the moment. Some light-hearted food posts shall be making its way here sometime this week – *pinky promise*
When we were on holiday recently, it was mostly to meet the Hubby’s family. If you know me, you’ll know that I am not very good at meeting new people, especially foreign family members. I freak out a lot. On good days, I can pull out the Ling charm and witty conversation trickles out of my mouth easily. On bad days, I clam up and retreat into my comfort bubble and I sit around and stay silent but I will nod and smile.
This stems from my childhood. When I was a young child at 3-4 years old, my Mum used to leave me at my Aunt’s house when she had to go to work. She would plop me on their brown sofa and leave me with these strict instructions, “Sit there and be quiet. Be good and do not move!” And for 8 hours, I would just sit there and not move – I was a well-behaved little girl! (And I was terrified of my Mum and her way of punishing me!) I did not eat, I did not drink anything and I did not go to the toilet even when I was desperate to pee! My cousins used to poke me and make me move. I would just sit back up, hoping that they wouldn’t tell my Mum that I had moved! And then, my cousins would go to bed and turn the light off in the living room – I would be so scared!!! My Mum would collect me after midnight. I still remember that brown sofa – it was my closest friend for years! Haha!
Anyway, back to my holidays – I met a lot of the Hubby’s family members and I am sure they were nice but I was too timid to speak to them. So what did I do? I hung out with the babies of the family! Babies are great! No need to speak to them or make awkward conversations. I have a newfound love for babies! (Well, it’s either making friends with babies or I’d have to find the nearest brown sofa!)
Allow me to introduce the awesome babies I hung out with :-
Baby C, 15 months, sips beer already!
Baby D, 15 months, loves to eat all the time!
Baby I, 9 months old, shy but cute
Baby J, 1 month, is a sleepy boy!
My baby friends are so adorable. Do you have baby friends too?
I am a well-trained babysitter. I have six younger siblings and basically, I had to babysit them all.
I cooked and fed them. I clothed them. I changed their nappies. I made them do their homework. I rocked them to sleep. I played with them. I punished them. I wiped their bums. I saw some of them take their first steps. For one of my brothers, his first word was Sister, not Mum nor Dad, but Sister because I taught him to speak.
I was like a mini-Mum to them.
Admittedly, my mini-parenting skills were pretty rubbish. I let them eat junk. I let them watch TV. I let them stay up late. I let them watch horror films with me. But hey, I was a young child too. My parents didn’t know any better as they worked all night and didn’t know all the shenanigans we got up to. Sometimes, when I look back, I feel very guilty for not being a better mini-Mum…but then again, I didn’t know.
Anyway, I have always wanted to have children. In fact, 6 kids. I was broody when I was a single girl. I was dying to have babies.
But now, something has changed. And I really cannot pinpoint the source. The biological clock aint ticking no more.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love babies and I do like kids. (I love babies the most. I love babies more than I like kids. I like kids more than I like teenagers.)
I used to find children cute and stuff. I had lots of patience for them. They said the cutest things. And even better, they liked me too!
But now, I don’t know what changed. They don’t seem to warm to me anymore. They don’t like me as much. And then, for me, they start to get really naughty. They don’t listen to their parents. They scream. They cry. They get on my nerves??!!!
And even worse, teenagers!!! When they’re at that annoying teenage phase, they do my head in!
I used to teach Sunday School – 2 different classes. One class was the older kids age. And the next class up which were the teenagers. I also wanted to do the Creche too. And we used to get on famously – both classes.
But now…get me away from those moody teens!
Gosh, I sound like such a kiddy-hater! Funny thing is, I had to babysit yesterday and will be babysitting later today and probably tomorrow too.
For the parents out there who want me to babysit, please do not panic! I will not kill your child. I will not maltreat them. And no, I do NOT hate your kids!
My theories are as follows.
- I think that now that I am ELIGIBLE to become a Mum (since I am now married with husband who you-know-what-I-mean-but-let-me-just-put-it-into-awkward-wording…the act of making babies..ahem!!), I am probably subconsciously scared that I will turn out to be a bad parent?? Could that be it??
- Or maybe because we are so financially poor that I feel that we cannot possibly support a child and my spending?? Could that be it??
- Or having a kid means that I can no longer act like a kid myself? I will have to grow up and accept responsibility?? Could that be it??
- Or maybe we will have a stupid and ugly baby?? No, that is totally NOT the reason! Haha!
Anyway, the Rugrat Rant is over. Let’s carry on with our lives…
A few years ago, my biological clock was ticking wildly and I was broody like crazy. I did not have a boyfriend but I was prepared to be a single mother and I would dream about baby names (click to read my top 5 baby names of 2004).
Fast forward to today – where I am engaged to be married in a few weeks and I am approaching the end of my twenties (oh no!). I am no longer broody. I love babies and all…but to have one soon – no thank you! I have become extremely selfish with my freedom and free time.
Some of my friends have babies and I adore them and I love playing with them; but at the end of the day, I am glad to hand them back over.
Mr Dorky, the hubby to be, is actually very good with children. He knows how to change nappies and bathe and feed them. Fantastic! He will be a good father one day.
I am just worried that he is getting broody. Yesterday, we were heading home from the supermarket and he suddenly said to me, out of the blue :-
We are not going to name any of our babies Gaga.
My reactions were :-
1. First of all, babies?? Who’s having any? Not me. Not yet.
2. Gaga?? Hello? I know I like Lady Gaga’s music, but still…
3. He’s been thinking about baby names – awww, how sweet. Wait! Is he broody?
Do you have any unique baby names to share?