Loyal readers know that I am incapable of keeping my big mouth shut.
Before twitter, I used to announce things via facebook and before that I used to announce things via my Xanga blog. However, now that I have set up my own lovely website, it makes sense to announce things here…and also, I am not restricted by the 140 letters limit restriction on twitter nor the how-many-letters restriction on facebook. It is my website so I can write as many words as I want!
And, I also believe that without the introduction of SMS texting, facebook and twitter etc, the English language would not have evolved to the acronyms of today, e.g. LMAO, LOL, TTYL, etc.
I have had my share of WTF moments in the past…but today was a WTF? swiftly followed by an OMG! followed by an OIC! and ended with an ILY!
Okay before I proceed, no-one must get too excited and stuff. I am just writing about what happened…and I am dragggggggging it out by placing lots of irrelevant sentences…
- This means What The F*ck?
- I was getting ready to go out this afternoon and being a typical girl, I swap handbags a lot. My current fave handbag is purple and purchased from Brisbane.
- As I was loading up the new handbag, I came across a lot of rubbish inside. I am a messy girl.
- Receipts – in the bin.
- Chewed chewing gum wrapped around a tissue – in the bin.
- Coins – in the purse.
- Lip gloss – in my new bag.
- Fresh chewing gum – in my mouth.
- Business card – in the bin…….HEY! HEY!!! Wait a minute!
- As I was about to throw the business card in the bin, I noticed two things :-
- I did not recognise the logo on the business card, so why is it in my handbag? WTF?
- Behind the card was a flurry of inked words in scrawly handwriting. WTF?
- This means Oh My Goodness!
- One word was all it took for the OMG moment to course through my veins.
- Clue : This word is a girl’s best friend.
- Yes, the inked words were details of a diamond ring!!!!
- This means Oh I See!
- I remembered the night before when Mr Dorky, my boyfriend, had put his wallet and keys in my handbag. Maybe it had slipped out then? OIC!
- So I confronted him…
“So, what is this?”
“Huh?” – his mouth formed an ‘O’ but the sound never came out…I think he also had a WTF? followed by an OMG! moment!
Nothing was said. Just a redness slowly rose from his neck upwards. He flashed me his dorkiest smile. And as we looked into each other’s eyes, I am sure we were both thinking, “ILY!“
Just to clarify that no, he did not suddenly pop the question…NO!!!! In fact, we were at a greasy fast food place buying dinner and babysitting the Pastor’s kids.
Not trying to sound mysterious and all, but it really is :
To be continued…watch this space…please come again…
In fact, we are heading to the UK and arrive on Friday where he will meet my parents for the first time…oh wait…hmmm…MUST stop overanalysing things!!
Your thoughts please…??
So I was hanging out with my guy friend Mr Egg and we were just chatting about random stuff and somehow, we got onto the subject of good-looking people.
Mr Egg : Your boyfriend is good-looking…
I heard : I fancy your boyfriend…
Mr Egg : Yeah, he’s got really good skin…
I heard : I wanna touch his skin…
Mr Egg : …and those rosy cheeks…
I heard : I wanna kiss his cheeks…
Haha! Hands off Mr Egg! Mr Dorky is mine!
And it’s true, Mr Dorky has really nice skin with rosy cheeks. Jealous? Yes! When I first met him, I thought he looked like a gnome!
Mr Dorky - Man or Gnome?
Disclaimer : This post does not imply that Mr Egg is gay. Mr Egg insists that he is straight despite the fact that he is in his mid-twenties and has never had a girlfriend and finds my boyfriend more attractive than me! LOL.
Seeing as I have been nicknamed Love Guru by my friends, I’d better start giving out more dating advice!
Here’s a word of advice for you guys out there - Learn to cook!
1. Girls will be impressed by your culinary skills.
2. Enjoy dinner in the comfort of your own home and if you want dessert (the non-eating kind), then there’s no need to transport yourself to an appropriate place because you are there already!
3. Saves you money rather than dining in those pretentious posh restaurants with dodgy waiters who may spit in your food because they’re envious of the fact that you’re dining with a lovely lady while they have to work.
My boyfriend did not win me over with his cooking as I never had a chance to taste his culinary delights till after we started dating. But if I had known earlier about his amazing cooking skills, I would have asked him out myself! LOL!
Here’s some food porn.
Sweet Succulent Salmon is black pepper and honey-glazed salmon on a bed of asparagus with cherry roma tomatoes.
The name of this meal is derived from the fact that the honey glaze was sweet and sticky; but also, when cooking fish, it is easy to overcook it resulting in dry, tough fish meat – but not in this case – the flesh was succulent.
This is before the honey glaze was added…
Here’s a close-up. Look at that beautiful crispy salmon skin! You can also see the black pepper.
I took a massive big bite and then brought out my camera and took another photo just to illustrate how succulent and moist the fish was…
Negatives : may not be filling enough as carb content is low; raw tomatoes do not release as much lycopene (an antioxidant) as cooked tomatoes
Positives : salmon is rich in essential omega-3 fatty acids; asparagus is known for its aphrodisiac properties
Calories : moderate-low
Satisfaction : oh yummy!
Comments : Personally, I like my salmon a bit more cooked. When I got to the centre of the fish, it was almost like eating sashimi. Nonetheless, I enjoyed every bite. No carbs at dinner-time means feeling less bloated and more room for dessert – the eating kind!
Food Porn Factor : 8 out of 10
All food cooked with love from Ling’s boyfriend, Mr Dorky.
The First Kiss in a relationship is a nerve-racking experience for both parties, in my opinion. The First Kiss is not the peck on the cheek / forehead / hand kiss, but the First Kiss is the mouth-to-mouth kiss.
I think that mouth-to-mouth kissing is an intimate exchange of saliva – and from the many mouths I have seen in my dental career, let me tell you that many people do need their mouths washed with soap!!!
Being traditional and conservative, I wait for guys to make the first move. I am too shy.
To all the girls who made the first move and got their guy, good on you!
To all the guys who are too scared to make the first move and lost the girl, grow some balls will you!
The First Kiss is a turning point in the relationship.
It’s almost like an act of commitment and intimacy. Everyone kisses differently and enjoy different types of kisses.
Types Of Mouth-To-Mouth Kisses
1. Soft and gentle – tame and ALMOST suitable for children’s viewing
2. Wet and sloppy – the area covering your lips will be covered in saliva too
3. Tonsil Tennis – someone’s tongue wants to play with someone else’s tonsil – bad for people with a strong gag reflex
4. Lip-Oh-Suck-tion – strong sucking kiss that you think your lip is going to be sucked off
5. Dr Tongue – this is when your tongue is a dentist and explores and examines the other person’s teeth (- come on! I had to include a dentist joke in there somewhere!)
6. Others – please specify if you can think of any other types
The First Kiss may also be a deciding factor about the relationship – in geek-speak – to continue vs game over.
- Pleasant kiss which makes both parties want more
- Breath smells fresh and enticing
- Saliva tastes clean and sweet
- Heart beats faster and really loud
- Followed by a soft moan of pleasure and eyes are twinkling
- Feel all warm and fuzzy inside
- Kiss is a success and executed with perfect timing
- Always remembered as the breath-taking first kiss
- Unpleasant kissing experience for one / both parties
- Breath vulgar and foul
- Saliva tastes like toilet water
- Heart was beating faster till the bad kiss – it has now slowed down to illustrate disappointment
- Followed by a grimace and a subtle look of disgust and a “you-can-stop-right-now!” look in the eyes
- Shudder – you cannot believe you just had such a bad kiss!
- Kiss is a big FAIL!
- Always remembered as the worst kiss ever!
The best advice on making the First Kiss a success is BE PREPARED!
Advice on how to prepare for the first kiss
- Go to the Dentist – get your teeth checked and gums cleaned. If you need a filling done, get it done! Dental fillings are required if your tooth is decayed. Decay means rotting which means bad smell! Get a scale and polish because bad, bleeding gums can also mean bad breath!
- If you are extremely nervous because you have never kissed anyone before, practise on a slice of orange. Please do not practise on your pillow!
- If you are allergic or detest a certain type of food, make sure you have told the other person and vice versa. E.g. I detest “burger breath” so the boyfriend makes sure he never eats that around me. And also, he has a true allergy to prawns – if I didn’t know, I would have been giving him the Kiss of Death!!!
- Try and plan it so that it’s a romantic setting and not the back row of a cinema!
- If you are really paranoid about your breath, then bring a toothbrush and toothpaste and dental floss. Sneak off to the toilet after dinner. If not, chew gum. As for those mint sprays that guys favour, oh please, don’t!
- Please be smart and gauge whether it is appropriate timing to kiss. Guys – Don’t ask “Is it okay if I kiss you?” How is a girl supposed to answer that? Yes – may show desperation. No – would kill the guys ego! Just look for the signals. Girls – please be obvious with those signals!!
Our First Kiss
Well, this is what happened.
I think Mr Dorky did pretty well considering he has never read any of my dating advice.
Anyway, he got me a ticket out of Sydney for a long weekend in Melbourne. I stayed in the spare room in the place he rents with two other flatmates. We had a nice evening out with a nice meal. We had a good chatting session. We were both in pyjamas and had brushed our teeth. While we were sitting down, I noticed a big spider. I have arachnaphobia. Mr Dorky, quick to be my hero, wrapped me in his arms and while I was in a vulnerable and helpless state, he made his move. Just a soft, gentle kiss – a breath-taking First Kiss. Success indeed!
Points To Note
- Good setting after a good date
- Teeth brushed – no worries about breath smells
- Good signals from Ling – “help me” eyes
- Good signals from Mr Dorky – “let me be your hero” arms and eyes
- Perfect timing as the kiss took my mind off that 8-legged-freak
Please kindly share your experiences of your first kiss so we can all learn.
In conclusion : Keep It Simple Stupid!