On a good day, I cannot even remember…
On a bad day, like today, it hurts like a freshly-cut wound…
I can’t win.
If I am still sad and crying to sleep, I get grief - “Stop mourning. Move on! You still talking about that??”
If I express an interest in a guy, I also get grief - “Oh my goodness, you have moved on so FAST! You didn’t really love him did you??”
It’s my life…leave me alone!!!
I don’t even know what I’m doing these days. It’s just so screwed up, somehow. Sigh.
People always ask me this question – ” What happened to the ring?”
I have it, of course…well, it would be different if I had ended the relationship…
Aha…see…there’s the freaking problem…
I think there’s something HUGELY wrong with me…like, there MUST be something wrong with me for someone to NOT want to be with me after spending 3 years plus with me….what is it? what is it??
It must be because I’m weird!
And then there’s the trust thing. How do I know if the next guy who comes along isn’t going to just break my poor little heart???
Guys all say the same things…they promise the same things…it just gets so confusing…who is The One? But I thought I met The One? Oh but wait…is it him?? Or him??
Do you remember when you were a child and when you fell, you would call out for your mummy and she would hold you in her arms and give you the best cuddle in the world and the pain would go away….??
I don’t remember that…basically because I lived with my nanny for years while my parents worked…and when I moved back with my parents, I cried for days and days for my nanny…
My parents and I never really bonded when I was younger.
They were typical Chinese parents….never “I love you”, never “you did really well”…always “a B is not good enough. You must get A’s”…always “You’re useless”…and I believed them…
That was then.
This is now…
I was crying like big bad tears the other day when I was in bed…crying into my pillow…crying, crying, crying….and then I ran for my Mummy and she was the best!! She cuddled me, stroked my hair, called me beautiful and said she loves me….and I believe her…
I have goals (major and minor) that I try to attain within a certain period of time.
Some goals I succeed – e.g. buy my own flat
Some goals I never manage – e.g. learn to swim
Some goals I am still working for – e.g. writing my first novel
The goal I was concentrating on recently has disintegrated.
For a long time, I had put in so much hard work for it…planning and preparing…dreaming during the day, dreaming during the night…meeting with my friends and discussing ideas…buying magazines to get inspiration…sharing to my family…sharing to my colleagues…dreaming, smiling, dreaming…
The problem was that this goal was supposed to be between two people…two people’s goal to achieve the same thing…
I think I was so caught up with it all and didn’t see the signs. Actually, I think I saw the signs but I just could not face them.
I was going forward, but the other person was going in a different direction…the opposite direction…sometimes, we were walking the same way, but then after he discussed it with another, he ran off…but then he came back, then he ran off, then it was on, then it was off….
It brings me with great unhappiness to announce this, but yes, it’s true, the engagement is off and the relationship is on a “break”(-up??), and not by my choice.
Not all fairytales have happy endings! It’s a LIE! I am so heartbroken…
But hey, even though I’ve been poorly (insomnia and losing weight and lan ocean of tears) — I don’t want your pity please — good things have emerged from this, which include growing closer to God and newfound and rediscovered friendships.
I was in danger of becoming a pathetic, depressive, boring, lonely, withdrawn and old gal…but you know, I reckon I am a (semi-)confident, friendly, funny, vibrant and cute young woman !!! (- this feeling had better last!! Who needs guys anyway?)
And for anyone else who is going through a break-up, please read my advice on how to get over a break-up.
At work, I often seek my other colleagues for advice as they have worked way longer than me; but they rarely ask me anything due to my lack of experience.
Recently, I was with 5 of my Christian girlfriends and we started talking about boy-girl relationships and this progressed on to ‘how to get over a break-up’…and before I knew it, all eyes turned to me…
Darn it! I’d love to be more experienced at work, at political matters, at church stuff….but NOT relationships! I’m like the village bicycle!!!
And my advice regarding relationships is – Don’t rush in.
I’ve had 3 previous relationships which all started for the wrong reasons and they all ended kinda badly because to put it in simple terms – I’m a b*tch…I just wake up one day and realise that I don’t see a future for us and then say my goodbyes.
As a Christian, I should have prayed and asked God for His guidance, but I didn’t. I was foolish and that is why those previous relationships failed – they weren’t God-centred.
I haven’t been dumped before so I don’t really know how that feels. But dumping someone is just as difficult. It’s easy to stay in a relationship because of its convenience, but please, it’s better to end it now than later, when expectations get even higher, i.e. marriage, kids…
Everyone gets over a break-up in their own different ways, so there is no single answer. But for me, these were my tried and tested methods…
Ling’s advice on How to get over a break-up…
1. Ignore them – yes, you can remain friends, but not during this vulnerable period as it is easy to break up and get back together…and then break up again….vicious cycle…don’t go there!
2. De-clutter your room - hide away anything that reminds you of that person
3. Cry – just let it out, but no self-pitying allowed! There ARE plenty of fish in the sea!
4. Talk to God, your friends and family – they will care and support you – but don’t go overboard! Who wants to hear the same stories for the 100,000th time??
5. Go do fun stuff to forget about the sadness – eat, hang with friends, retail therapy, etc
DO NOT :-
1. Rush into a new relationship – you are not emotionally ready (I did this before and ruined my new relationship because I kept going on and on about my previous relationship! ugh!)
2. Go psycho and stalk your ex (my ex did this which made me REALLY glad that I split with him)
3. Have suicidal tendencies – it is NOT the end of the world!! (again, my ex did this and showed me the scars and it didn’t make me take him back because of his undying love for me – it just freaked me out)
4. Bitch about your ex and reveal intimate secrets – respect them because you may be friends later (only 1 out of 3 exes remains my friend and we have (semi) mutual respect for each other)
5. Hate yourself and think that you’re ugly / fat / whatever – just because that person isn’t for right for you, it doesn’t mean that you won’t find another
6. Hang around (fake) friends who flaunt their successful relationships in your face - make new friends!
7. Dwell in this failed relationship. Move on!
For ages, I would dwell on my failed relationships. I regretted them. I hated them. I hated myself. I couldn’t understand why I was compatible with these guys initially, but then things turned sour. I couldn’t understand why there weren’t any fairytale endings. I really lost myself and my identity. I turned to *bad self-destructive stuff*…things I am too ashamed to share here…
But they no longer haunt me, like they once did. I returned to God’s open arms and He took all the pain, anger and hurt away.
I prayed and God answered them.
I met Mr Geek. We didn’t rush in. We took our time. He prayed. I prayed. My family prayed. My friends prayed.
(I am not too sure if his family and friends prayed, but I hope they did)
We prayed together.
And no, I’m not saying it’s been an easy relationship. We have our ups and downs. Yes, we are engaged…but this has probably been our most trying time – with him being in London and me being in Glasgow. Long distance relationships suck! But you know, if we were to break up tomorrow, I know I would be upset and heartbroken, but I know that I would be in safe hands and somehow, everything would turn out perfect one day…
In conclusion : Break-ups are not the end of the world!