I was talking to one of my close girlfriends recently and somehow, we stumbled upon the subject of ex-boyfriends.  Ex-who?  Yeah, right, if only they could be so easily erased right?!  She said something about one of them which came as a shock.

“Ling, I cannot believe you dated him.  He was such an a$$hole!”

Huh?  Where did that come from?  I tried to think back and admittedly, I came up with some nasty memories of that “a$$hole”.  I thought of the time he slapped me in the face because I didn’t do his sister’s dishes – which I had not even used!  I thought of the time when he ordered me out of my bed on the day after my surgery – which had me off work for 3 months because of post-surgery complications – he didn’t care when I told him I was in excruciating pain.  And then I stopped digging out these buried bad memories and I turned and said to my girlfriend,

“Yes, you’re right!  He was an a$$hole!  What was I thinking?”

And today, it came to me!  Yes, revelation!  I knew what I was thinking!

I saw all the danger signs but I still continued this failing relationship.  I dated an a$$hole because :-

1.  Love is blind.  Simple, ’nuff said!

2.  Surely, love can conquer all?!  Yeah, right!  I blame all those stupid lovey dovey movies which impress upon a stupid idea of love when in reality, it’s not like that!

3.  Compared to my previous relationship with an even-more-abusive ex-boyfriend (yes, I dated a lot of a$$hole$ in my time), this relationship was better – but better is not enough!!!!!

4.  I had invested a lot of time, sweat and tears into this relationship so it better damn well work! – WRONG thinking!!!

5.  I wanted to prove people wrong – yes, the people who had advised AGAINST dating him in the first place!

6.  (This is a terrible thing to admit but) I was thinking of the money – he came from a rich family background plus he was in a professional career which would mean that I would have become an upper class housewife…

Well, what can I say?  I was a love fool!!

Are you going through similar experiences (like I mentioned above) in your relationship?

If you find yourself in a relationship where something’s just not quite right, please get out now!  Don’t make the same mistake I did!

Do not feel obliged to stay in a rocky relationship because one day, it’ll bite you in the bum!

If you’ve just been dumped but you feel wronged and you cannot understand why because you did everything right, please stop dwelling on him/her.  You’re wasting your time.

Hear this from me : “You deserve better!”

Just some friendly dating advice from your favourite relationship guru…

Important points to note :

• Just because a guy was an a$$hole to his previous girlfriend, it does not mean that he will be an a$$hole to his next girlfriend.  Everyone deserves a second chance.
• This blog post is not hating on men but also applies in vice versa mode.  That is, if you’re a guy and you dated a b!tch.

Any thoughts?

Something has been bugging me recently.  In fact, a lot of things have been bugging me.  But today, I want to share about this.  As you all may know by now, I am one of these annoyingly open and honest people.  Seriously, if we are on the same wavelength, I will tell you everything you want to know about me – in detail.  I believe that I am extremely good to my friends because I basically adore friends.  I love having friends and being a good friend to everyone.  I am one of those sensitive creatures who get upset if people don’t like me.  I will tolerate all sorts just to keep the peace in friendships.  I just love friends.  (Okay, we get the picture – please move on!!!)  Anyway, recently I have come to the realisation that some friends can tell a lie without blinking!!  And that bugs me.  Why do friends have to lie?  And what is it that these friends lie about?  It’s dating-related!!  And we all know how I, self-confessed love guru, love dating-related topics.  Yes, I have friends who have been telling untruths about their new relationships.

Friend #1
Was asking Friend #1 about dating and they said, “Oh, I’m not interested in the opposite sex at the moment.  I don’t want to date at the moment.” A couple of weeks later, I discover that Friend #1 is now in a relationship.  Maybe, just maybe, Friend #1 changed their mind AFTER I had spoken to them…but I doubt it!  Basically, Friend #1 lied.

Friend #2
Was asking Friend #2 about dating.  (Yes, I ask a lot of my single friends about dating because seriously, do I really want to ask the boring question, “How is work?“)  I asked if Friend #2 liked anyone of the opposite sex.  Friend #2 said, “No!”  I said, “How about this person (name of my single friend of the opposite sex)?  He/she is hot!!”  They said, “Nah.”  TWO DAYS later, Facebook announces that Friend #2 is in a relationship with the same person I had named.  Like hello?  Obviously, I am happy for my friend and I congratulated them, but I still cannot believe Friend #2 lied.  Friend #2 hasn’t apologised for lying but it’s okay, I forgave them.

Friend #3
This one is a bit twisted so I shall not go into detail.  But I discovered that Friend #3 was dating someone from the same sex and basically, living a whole secret life.  Okay, cannot disclose any more information.  But let’s just say that this friend is extremely good at lying…but then again, did they forget that I am even better at being a detective?!

Maybe I am just uber-sensitive about friendships.  But I am sure the Guide To Being A Good Friend states that friends should not lie to each other.  (I just made that up so don’t go googling this guide!  It doesn’t exist!)

Listen friends, if you are going to lie about dating or being in a relationship, please don’t.  Friends should not lie to each other.  If you are confronted with a question you do not want to answer, please do this – read here.

In fact, I will even give you some extra help if you do not want to disclose about your dating habits or new relationships.

Do you fancy him/her?
Instead of saying “No” when you clearly do, but you don’t want to admit it, choose from the following :-

• “Everyone is fanciable in their own ways.” - This is a fact.  Act coy.
• “Why?  Do you?” – Turn it back on the interrogator.
• “It doesn’t matter whether I fancy them…more importantly, does he/she fancy me?” – This will get the interrogator thinking and will divert the attention to someone else.
• “I don’t want to talk about it.” – Simple.  This will stop any more questions from the interrogator.

Friend #4
I recently discovered that one of my friends, Friend #4, started dating someone, but they did not lie but instead, used the methods of hiding the truth.  I asked Friend #4, “Are you dating anyone?”  Now the thing is, I KNEW that Friend #4 is dating someone but they did not lie about it and instead said, “Do you think I have time for dating?  I have been working so hard…blah blah…“

Smart.  Did not answer the question with a yes or no.  Instead answered the question with another question and then proceeded to divert the attention away from the question.

What could I do?  Friend #4 did not want to admit their new relationship.  But I was happy that Friend #4 did not lie to me.  One day when Friend #4 wants to share, I must remember to thank them for not lying to me.

In conclusion :  Thou shalt not lie to a good friend.  WRONG!

Okay, okay.  Maybe I should face reality.  Sometimes I may consider someone to be a good friend, but it does not mean that the feeling is mutual…(which is the other thing which is seriously bugging me to the point where it kept me awake last night but I shall share another day…)

In conclusion :  Thou shalt not lie, especially to friends.  WRONG!

Okay, okay.  Just because I consider someone to be my friend, the feeling may not be mutual.  They may be two-faced and hate your guts…(which is another thing which has been bugging me.  Again, another story…)

In conclusion :  Thou shalt not lie.

Just like the ninth commandment in the Bible.  Oh yeah!

Being a third wheel is not exactly fun.  I know because I have been a third wheel on numerous occasions.  It is worse especially when the couple do not take your feelings into consideration and make you feel extremely uncomfortable with their lovey-doveyness which only highlights the fact that you are single.  Personally, I think there is more to life than being attached and that everyone should enjoy their singlehood while they still have it.  I remember there was one time when I was being a third wheel and my coupled-up friends just totally ignored the fact I was there and had their private in-jokes and kissing and stuff.  It was so inappropriate.  But anyway, I decided then and there that when I was coupled up that I would always consider the feelings of others, i.e. refrain from public displays of affection, etc.

Obviously, not all couple are considerate of their third wheel.  So here are some tips on how to deal with being a third wheel :- 

1.  Don’t be a third wheel!  Don’t go to the movies / dinner / outing if you know in advance that you are going to be a third wheel.  Just find something else to do. 

2.  If you cannot get out of that movie / dinner / outing invite, then add another wheel!  Bring another friend with you.  

3.  You are a third wheel and the couple you are with keep stroking each other’s hair and winking at each other.  Two can play at that game!  Just do the same thing to the person you are the same sex with.  If you are a girl, do what the guy does to the girl.  If you are a guy, do what the girl does to the guy.  Because if you do this to the person in the opposite sex, it aint gonna go down well with their other half!!

4.  You are a third wheel and everything is going okay until the couple start kissing.  Gross, right?  Well, don’t say “Gross, get a room guys!” because for some bizarre reason, this turns them on and they start getting into it!  Instead, try this line, “Oh yeah, that’s sexy!  Mm…!  It’s getting me all turned on!”  That should stop them (unless they are kinky!) because they will think it is funny or they will think YOU are gross!

5.  You are a third wheel and suddenly, the couple start fighting.  Do not get sucked into the fight.  Do not take sides. Do not cough nervously and try and find excuses to walk away.  Enjoy the moment!  Yeah, you may be single and yeah, you may be a third wheel, but hey there is nothing wrong with that.  Be glad that you don’t have such childish fights.  Yeah, just savour the moment and thank God that you are still single.  The couple will soon stop bickering when they notice that you are watching them with this weird but satisfying smirk on your face.

Being a third wheel does not have to be awkward nor uncomfortable if the couple are considerate.  However, if the couple are inconsiderate, just stay cool.  Don’t highlight the fact that you are a third wheel.  Enjoy sitting in between them at the movies.  Enjoy interrupting their make-out session.  Make them feel awkward. 

Does anyone else have any other tips on how to deal with being a third wheel?
    

Seeing as I have been nicknamed Love Guru by my friends, I’d better start giving out more dating advice!

Here’s a word of advice for you guys out there - Learn to cook!

1.  Girls will be impressed by your culinary skills.

2.  Enjoy dinner in the comfort of your own home and if you want dessert (the non-eating kind), then there’s no need to transport yourself to an appropriate place because you are there already!

3.  Saves you money rather than dining in those pretentious posh restaurants with dodgy waiters who may spit in your food because they’re envious of the fact that you’re dining with a lovely lady while they have to work.

My boyfriend did not win me over with his cooking as I never had a chance to taste his culinary delights till after we started dating.  But if I had known earlier about his amazing cooking skills, I would have asked him out myself!  LOL!

Here’s some food porn.

Dinner

Sweet Succulent Salmon is black pepper and honey-glazed salmon on a bed of asparagus with cherry roma tomatoes.

The name of this meal is derived from the fact that the honey glaze was sweet and sticky; but also, when cooking fish, it is easy to overcook it resulting in dry, tough fish meat – but not in this case – the flesh was succulent.

This is before the honey glaze was added…

Here’s a close-up.  Look at that beautiful crispy salmon skin!  You can also see the black pepper.

I took a massive big bite and then brought out my camera and took another photo just to illustrate how succulent and moist the fish was…

Negatives : may not be filling enough as carb content is low; raw tomatoes do not release as much lycopene (an antioxidant) as cooked tomatoes
Positives : salmon is rich in essential omega-3 fatty acids; asparagus is known for its aphrodisiac properties
Calories : moderate-low
Satisfaction : oh yummy!
Comments : Personally, I like my salmon a bit more cooked.  When I got to the centre of the fish, it was almost like eating sashimi.  Nonetheless, I enjoyed every bite.  No carbs at dinner-time means feeling less bloated and more room for dessert – the eating kind!
Food Porn Factor : 8 out of 10

All food cooked with love from Ling’s boyfriend, Mr Dorky.