I have made a number of friends in Sydney and surprisingly, the majority of them are single.
And if you have been a faithful fan of my 6-year-old blogs, you will know that one of the topics I love to write and talk about is DATING.
My Sydney friends soon found this out and have given me a new name – Ling the Love Guru.
I have been giving guys and girls practical advice about meeting guys/girls and dating guys/girls forever. (Remember this blog post – click here)
Anyway, ever since I started dating, these friends have noticed the changes in my appearance. Remember how I mentioned here that instead of looking my usual glam self, I have become rather scruffy i.e. no make-up and wearing old rags plus wrinkly forehead (due to Botox wearing off…)
I have confidently shared to them that this is on purpose. After sharing with them, they named me Love Guru. I will now share with you.
Here is the reason why you can afford to look scruffy at the START of a relationship.
Relationships go through many stages.
The initial stage is the “Honeymoon Stage” where every day is a happy, smiley, sunny day because you know that you have acquired a newfound other half.
You no longer have to face the dreadful mornings of waking up to go to work or face studies feeling unwanted and unloved because you have acquired a newfound other half.
If you see a couple showing PDA (public displays of affection) or if you hear a love song, you no longer have to pine for someone because you have acquired a newfound other half.
Before you sleep at night, take a look out the window. Because let me tell you something – the moon and the stars that you see are the same moon and stars your newfound other half sees. You can sleep with a silly smile on your face because you have acquired a newfound other half.
Are you with me so far?
So in this Honeymoon Stage, while your other half is blinded with love / sun / clouds / moon / stars, use this opportunity to show your other half the downgraded version of you.
Girls, this means : wear less make-up or none, if you dare! Dress in your casual wear. Don’t wear heels. Wear your glasses instead of contact lenses. Relax your diet and put on a couple of pounds.
Guys, this means : use less hair-gel, grow some stubble, workout less, let off an occasional burp.
Girls and Guys – this does NOT mean : Don’t shower and stink of B.O. Please continue to brush your teeth and floss!!
Your other half will react in one of two ways :-
1. No change – This is GOOD NEWS. This means that they are so blinded in love with you that no matter what you look like downgraded, they still love you. It means that in the future, when you will eventually downgrade (i.e. cannot maintain your current youthful looks), they will still accept and love you because they have seen it before and won’t be shocked when you suddenly have a bad hair/face/body day.
2. Complain – This is also GOOD NEWS. This means that they are superficially in love with you and that they will not accept the downgraded version of you. This relationship will probably end as soon as you have a bad hair/face/body day. Therefore, get rid of them before they get rid of you! You are better off without someone who gives superficial loving.
You don’t believe my theory?? Take a look around today.
I bet you will see a hotty with a not-so-hotty – either :-
a) A good-looking hunky guy cuddling up to a short, fat and not-so-good-looking girl
b) A spotty, nerdy, lanky guy cuddling up to a hot ass girl
Once upon a time, they were both hotties, but at the Honeymoon Stage, one of them became not-so-hotty but because the other hotty half was so blinded by love, it did not matter. And they both lived happily ever after. The End.
Sometimes, I get really annoyed with girls. Girls who manipulate guys – stupid guys. These girls know fine well that these boys will do anything and everything for them, but these girls will not be clear about where their friendship/relationship stands. And then, the girl will use and abuse the stupid guy till she finds a boyfriend and then, the stupid guy will be useless and lonely again.
Wake up stupid guys!!
On the other hand, I also get annoyed with guys. Non-committal guys who date girls – stupid girls. These guys will date stupid girls who fall for their “I will always love you” line, but deep down inside, this guy knows fine well, he could never be with this stupid girl forever, but says these stupid corny cheesy lines because stupid girls will fall for it hook, line and sinker. These guys will run at the mention of the C-word = Commitment.
Wake up stupid girls!!
I like to give the “I am a manhater, not a maneater” vibe, but secretly, I like guys. Hanging out with guys is usually more fun than hanging out with girls because guys tend to be more laid-back and care-free.
I also think guys like hanging out with me too because (in my head) I am such a fun-loving girl…BUT…
I have come to realise that there are some guys who like to hang out with me because they have a hidden agenda!!!
Yes, they do!!
At first, they will be very nice and do all these nice things for you.
But when you make it LOUD & CLEAR that you’re just not that into him – e.g. “I ONLY like you as a friend; I will never ever fancy you; You’re like a brother to me…”, the guy will react in either one of these ways :-
- Still treat you as nice – either in hope, that they will change your heart and win you over (it’s the ultimate “player” challenge!) or that they are genuinely a really nice guy (rare!)
- Stop doing all the nice things because it will not benefit them in the end so they don’t want to waste more time and effort on you (very common – avoid these guys at all costs!)
I encounter a lot of the number 2′s (PUN INTENDED!) and sadly, I have lost a lot of guy friends because of this.
Two days ago, I was in church and the sermon was about Relationships and I was reminded of this word – chivalry.
Chivalry is defined as respectful attention especially towards women
I thought this word was near extinction, but guess what???
Since I started travelling in mid-July, I met and hung around with some nasty guys (especially you know who) but then, I must admit I have met some chivalrous guys!!! Hallelujah! They exist!!!
I present to you “The Chivalrous Single Guys” list :-
- Mr MM – The guy who sent me a Facebook message, out of the blue, and described me as “stunning” even though when we spent time together, I had the swollen eye !!
Mr MM is chivalrous because he sees the beauty deep within.
- Mr Pistol – The guy who won’t “allow” me to walk home by myself after a night out even though I live 5 minutes walk away and insists on driving me home.
Mr Pistol is chivalrous because of his caring nature
- Mr Egg – The guy who initiates saying grace every time we eat together.
Mr Egg is chivalrous because he respects God.
- Mr Dorky – The guy who had a morning coffee waiting for me even though I already told him that I was going to be late meeting him AND he opened car doors (we only got introduced the day before).
Mr Dorky is chivalrous because of his gentlemanly nature.
- Mr Heinz – The guy who has offered me unlimited Diet Coke (my favourite soft drink…shh!! It’s really bad for your teeth!!).
Mr Heinz is chivalrous because of his generosity.
AND I also present to you “The Non-Single Chivalrous Guys” list :-
- Mr KAD – The guy who carried my suitcase everywhere (as well as his own backpack) when we went on a 24-hour trip together.
Mr KAD is chivalrous because of his kind nature.
- Mr XY – The guy who came over to help me move into my new place and helped to re-arrange the furniture.
Mr XY is chivalrous because of his helpful nature.
I hope I will meet more chivalrous guys and add more to the lists!!!
(Obviously I know loads of chivalrous guys back in the UK and I haven’t forgotten about them.)
In conclusion : Chivalry FTW!!!
It’s been a while since I blogged about one of my favourite topics – my love-life – but then again, I have other IMPORTANT things on my mind. i.e. the Big Plan.
I recently watched the movie ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ – the movie highlights the signs to look out for when guys are simply not interested to pursue a romantic relationship with girls.
The movie semi-annoyed me because it portrayed girls as desperate who will take any guy that comes along. NO CHANCE!
I may be past the ‘I should be married and having kids by now’ age but I refuse to accept any random guy that comes along. In fact, the more I think about guys, the more I think they suck – but that’s another story which I will save for another blogging day…
I’m quite a friendly girl and I am open to all friendships, but some guys may think it’s an invite to date me. NO it is not!
Here’s how I tell you (sucky) guys that I’m just not that into you (without trying to hurt your egos) :-
-listed in order-
1. Slow replies / acknowledgements to your texts / emails / phone calls
2. Texts / messages / emails never get signed off with ‘x’ or ‘xoxo’
3. I will avoid one-to-one hanging out with you until the message is clear
(Mr Player asked me out for drinks and I brought an entourage!)
4. If I do have to hang out with you on my own, it will be in very public surroundings and I will suddenly have to leave because of ‘some emergency’
(At least, I am not as harsh as one of my sisters. She was out for dinner with this guy. She said she was going to the toilet, but she actually fled the restaurant! I wonder when the guy finally realised she wasn’t returning…)
5. I will not physically touch you in any way and when you attempt to touch me by pinching my cheeks / flick my hair / any form of contact, check out my face which is unsuccessfully masking my disgust
6. I will use any opportunity to talk about other guys I like and I will say how compatible you are with some other girl
7. I will always highlight the fact that you are such a good ‘friEND’
- yes, emphasising the -END to end any romantic notions
8. If that still doesn’t give you the hint, I will deliver the self-explanatory killer lines – “You’re just like a brother to me” or “You’re so gay”
9. If you are still interested, then I will wonder what is wrong with you and then I will S-P-E-L-L it out to you loud and clear – “I don’t like you in that way whatsoever. Never have and NEVER WILL!”
10. What? If you are still pursuing me, then please allow me to introduce you to MY MOTHER AND MY YOUNGEST SISTER!!!
- the deadly combination will scare any guy away!!
Any other suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
Recently, there have been things which have been making me feel uneasy:-
1. Straight guys who display gay tendencies. I just don’t know what it is but I just like guys to be manly; none of the gayness please.
2. People who touch ‘unhygienic’ stuff e.g. rubbish bins and then don’t wash their hands.
3. Porn – I watched this movie with my friends the other day. It was supposed to be a comedy but it was more like porn!!
4. Knowing the fact that some people know my innermost secrets which I did not reveal myself!!! i.e. a certain ex is spilling my secrets!!
5. The fact that my Mum will let me hang out with this guy and not be all over-protective although I would say that this guy would totally be the one to be over-protective about as I would classify him in the “player” category.
A player is defined as a guy who is playing the field in the dating game
I met Mr Player years ago, but he never really talked to me until a few months ago when he found out I was single. He got my number and asked me out for drinks. However, I was clear and concise in expressing my thoughts about our friendship, which was “I have not and am not and never will be interested in you. We can only be friends, nothing more.”
Sometimes these guys in the “player” category take that as a challenge and persevere. I don’t think Mr Player is doing that. At least, I hope not because frankly, he is not attractive to me. Not one iota!
Amongst this feeling of uneasiness, I have discovered a BREAKTHROUGH.
I thought that hanging out with girls would make me feel uneasy.
I have always been a guy’s girl. I have more guy friends than girl friends. But I had to hang out with a few girls recently and I kinda liked it.
Where was the bitchiness? NADA
Where was the rivalry? ZILCH
Maybe it’s time I made some more girl friends…