I remember when I announced that I was leaving Glasgow to go off travelling and Australia would be the final destination.
I remember wondering if I was making a crazy decision by leaving my family, my friends, my well-paid job, my newly bought beautiful apartment (I still miss it dearly) and my faithful yellow car…
I remember that my friends were shocked. Yes, me, Ling, going travelling…on my own…and not planning to come back.
I remember my Mum being very supportive of my decision. “Go, go!”
I remember the tears that were shed on the day I left – and even my Dad had wet eyes!!
I remember feeling lonely and homesick.
I remember the Skype conversation I had with my Mum when I was in Sydney – before I had made any friends and before I had met him, who is now my Husband. My Mum and I were both tearful as we confessed how much we missed each other. And then, she said, “Ling, just come home!” If you know me, you will know that I am an obedient daughter and whatever Mum says, I usually will follow her desires. But surprisingly, even though I was sad, lonely and homesick, I answered, “No, Mum. I’m supposed to stay here in Australia. I don’t know why, but I am.” Even with the dodgy webcam, I could feel the disappointment in her voice.
I remember when I Skyped my Mum again a few weeks later. “I met this guy. Nothing has happened, but I just feel that there’s something.” My Mum and my sister both laughed at me – they thought I was talking nonsense.
I remember when he became my boyfriend and a few days later, he booked tickets to Scotland so he could see my family. Talk about fast mover!
I remember when we got married in Australia…and then Scotland.
I remember how happy my Dad looked on our wedding day. I have never seen him happier!!
I remember how awesome God is for being with me every step of the way in this journey.
I remember this is the Bible verse which was precious to me in my times of struggle.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Night View Of Taipei
Is anyone else surprised at how quickly 2010 is whizzing by?
I was flicking through my travel photos today when the above picture caught my eye. I took that photo when I went on a spontaneous trip to Taiwan in September 2009. It is a view of Taipei from Taipei 101 – which was the tallest building in the world at that time.
Taiwan was one of my favourite places because of my friend, Miss Ant’s hospitality, but also because she introduced me to all her lovely friends who were all there to teach English, but more importantly, to do ministry work for God.
If you haven’t heard, Taiwan experienced a 6.4 earthquake today. After the Haiti and Chile earthquakes and now Taiwan, it does not make me question my Christian faith. But instead, it makes me hold on less to earthly possessions and makes me want to seek more of God for His treasures.
My prayers are with all those affected by the earthquakes.
In conclusion : God answers prayers.
Usually, I agree with the saying - “There are 2 sides to every story.”
But in some situations, I personally believe it does NOT apply.
Example 1 – A murderer kills an innocent person. THAT IS WRONG! Definitely NO two sides.
Example 2 – A paedophile abuses a young child. THAT IS WRONG! Definitely NO two sides.
What I am about to reveal next comes from deep within my heart.
I am a victim.
And I let it eat me away for a while. I let it destroy me slowly…
One of my guy friends tried to sexually violate me. It wasn’t like pinching my ass or trying to kiss me, like when this happened. It was worse than that…it was disgusting behaviour…no, I wasn’t raped, but I dread to think what would have happened if I was too scared to fight back…but let’s not go into details…sometimes, I still get the nightmares and relive the horror….
Anyway, if you know me well, you will know that I normally let people walk all over me. So I let this “thing” lie…and nothing was done about it…The apology was half-hearted, followed by the words, “GET A GRIP!”
I didn’t really understand. I fought back the tears. I thought I was strong and could fight it alone. I let my heart harden and I would constantly tell myself “I hate guys!”
No, actually, I don’t hate guys! You all know, one of my favourite topics to write about is guys.
It’s just that I really, really, really dislike that guy! Who is the guy? If you’ve been reading my blogs recently, then it’s pretty obvious who it is. If you don’t, then please re-read.
That guy swarms around fooling people about what a nice guy he is. but I know differently.
The stupid thing is – we remained friends for a while. But I was forced to because we were doing something together. (Again, all is clear if you have been reading my blogs all along as to why I had to remain friends with him.)
Until one night, I woke up after another nightmare and I prayed to God for a solution.
And like always, He answers my prayers because the next day, this guy confronted me, via text message. Without going into too much detail, he said I disrespect friendships!!
WTF? DISRESPECT???? I respect all my true friends dearly!!
What did I do? I wrote a long email expressing my hurt feelings about how he tried to molest me, etc. And I even ended it with an offer of friendship…YES I STUPIDLY DID!! What was I thinking? And I still gave him his birthday present! HAHAHAHA!!!! I am stupid!
Thank God, he had the decency to refuse the offer of friendship.
Even though, he was out of my life, I could still see the damage he has caused in my life.
I feel like I have hated guys since foreverrrrrrrrrrrr – especially after abusive Ex-Boyfriend #2 and then commitment-phobic Ex-Boyfriend #4 (aka Ex-Fiance) and then Gobi, the sexual harrasser and then him!
For a while, I have had such low self-esteem.
I think I don’t deserve to be loved.
I think all men are sh*t-heads.
I think all guys are after ONE thing (usually, they are though).
I started piling on the makeup to get confident…etc…etc…
But I have recently made some amazing friends who accept me as I am…who do not think I am annoying or whiny….who think I am funny…who want to know more about me…who do not tell me to shut up when I am doing my crazy rambling thing…
No, I did NOT deserve it. Yes, I am a victim.
And it is my story…my side of the story…but then what would be his side – “She was asking for it???”
Sorry, but I have never ever ever ever encouraged this guy. What a d*ck!
Dear Mr You-Know-Who,
If you’re reading this, stop reading my blogs please – let me live my life in peace – thanks!
If something happens to me, e.g. mysteriously die under mysterious circumstances, then you know who did it!!! If I don’t blog again by the end of this week, it means I am lying dead in Sydney somewhere – please tell my Mum I love her – thanks!
Yeah, so the deed is done. The Big Plan is ready to be revealed.
I am leaving.
I am leaving my family, my friends, my job, my new flat (which I haven’t even moved into yet) – basically, goodbye to my life in the UK.
I have cold feet though :-
1. I am scared – fear of the unknown. I have never been to the place I am heading to, I haven’t got another job to go to, I haven’t got a place to stay and I know nobody there.
2. I am sad to leave my family because everyone knows I’m an overprotected girl and my family do everything for me!
3. I am sad to leave my (genuine) UK friends – but at the same time, I feel I have been spending less quality time with them recently for various reasons.
4. I am leaving my job which saddens me because I basically worked my ass off to get my patients to have this excellent standard of dental care! I pride in my work (secretly). And I have finally been reaping the financial rewards from my hard work and built up an excellent word-by-mouth reputation. The practice I work in is finally going through amazing changes this year and is becoming prestigious indeed, but I have to surrender it up to someone else.
5. I am going to be leaving my church. I am so at home there. I recently started teaching another age group (I teach middle and big class) in Sunday School and I love those kids.
6. I am getting more excited about moving into this new flat I recently purchased. I tried to detach myself from the whole process of it by getting my parents to choose the furniture etc. But I’m secretly extremely in love with it. It’s like brand new, never been lived in, so I get to choose the flooring, new furniture… Think of all the amazing parties I can throw in that place. And it’s so central. And I just love it already. Sigh.
7. I am stressed out about all the paperwork and tax stuff and cr@p I have to tie up before leaving the UK and all the paperwork and cr@p I need to apply for the work visa in the place I am going to.
8. This world is in economic crisis. Some people have been forced out of a job. And then there’s me. I am voluntarily saying goodbye to my job.
9. I’m saying goodbye to my comfort bubble in the UK…but what if this new country is rubbish????
I am constantly reminding myself of the reasons for making this decision :-
1. I’ve been having the ‘stuck in a rut’ feeling for years and I’ve been dreaming of going somewhere else for years but I was held back before, but now I’m free. Yes, I’m young (ish), free and single!
2. This experience will make me independent and maybe, I will finally grow up and act my age (although I don’t want to look my age!)
3. I have support from my family (not my Dad because he’s ultra-overprotective) and my close friends I have confided in (although some believe I will be back home soon)
4. One of my ex-close-friends once said to me that my world was so small. NOT ANYMORE SO IN YOUR FACE!
5. Work isn’t that great really. It’s not the actual work because I can handle that. But it’s some people I work with – the bitchiness, politics, non-professionalism…
6. I want to see the world. I caught the travel bug. I’m going to meet new people and make new friends. It’s going to be challenging but it will be life-changing.
Anyway, I am only going to be a ticket away from the UK.
If things don’t go to plan, I will always be welcomed back.
I am sure there are going to be a lot of questions, so I have compiled some FAQs :-
1. Where are you going?
..wherever I lay my heart, that’s my home..
.the world is my oyster..
Probably – Hong Kong – Thailand – Cambodia – Malaysia – Taiwan – Australia..
2. Are you still going to be a dentist?
I love teeth, but I am interested in exploring other options…
3. Is anyone going with you?
No. But I may meet up with friends along my journey.
4. When are you leaving?
Very very soon. Time is ticking…
5. What’s going to happen to your new flat?
Sob sob…rent it out..
6. Who is financing this trip?
Me and my savings and maybe some fund-raising…
Yes, I am thinking of doing volunteer work for under-developed countries.
8. Where is God in all this?
He is with me.
9. Will you still blog?
If I have internet access and if I have time and if you’re still with me, it would be my pleasure to share my experience with you.