I have made a number of friends in Sydney and surprisingly, the majority of them are single.
And if you have been a faithful fan of my 6-year-old blogs, you will know that one of the topics I love to write and talk about is DATING.
My Sydney friends soon found this out and have given me a new name – Ling the Love Guru.
I have been giving guys and girls practical advice about meeting guys/girls and dating guys/girls forever. (Remember this blog post – click here)
Anyway, ever since I started dating, these friends have noticed the changes in my appearance. Remember how I mentioned here that instead of looking my usual glam self, I have become rather scruffy i.e. no make-up and wearing old rags plus wrinkly forehead (due to Botox wearing off…)
I have confidently shared to them that this is on purpose. After sharing with them, they named me Love Guru. I will now share with you.
Here is the reason why you can afford to look scruffy at the START of a relationship.
Relationships go through many stages.
The initial stage is the “Honeymoon Stage” where every day is a happy, smiley, sunny day because you know that you have acquired a newfound other half.
You no longer have to face the dreadful mornings of waking up to go to work or face studies feeling unwanted and unloved because you have acquired a newfound other half.
If you see a couple showing PDA (public displays of affection) or if you hear a love song, you no longer have to pine for someone because you have acquired a newfound other half.
Before you sleep at night, take a look out the window. Because let me tell you something – the moon and the stars that you see are the same moon and stars your newfound other half sees. You can sleep with a silly smile on your face because you have acquired a newfound other half.
Are you with me so far?
So in this Honeymoon Stage, while your other half is blinded with love / sun / clouds / moon / stars, use this opportunity to show your other half the downgraded version of you.
Girls, this means : wear less make-up or none, if you dare! Dress in your casual wear. Don’t wear heels. Wear your glasses instead of contact lenses. Relax your diet and put on a couple of pounds.
Guys, this means : use less hair-gel, grow some stubble, workout less, let off an occasional burp.
Girls and Guys – this does NOT mean : Don’t shower and stink of B.O. Please continue to brush your teeth and floss!!
Your other half will react in one of two ways :-
1. No change – This is GOOD NEWS. This means that they are so blinded in love with you that no matter what you look like downgraded, they still love you. It means that in the future, when you will eventually downgrade (i.e. cannot maintain your current youthful looks), they will still accept and love you because they have seen it before and won’t be shocked when you suddenly have a bad hair/face/body day.
2. Complain – This is also GOOD NEWS. This means that they are superficially in love with you and that they will not accept the downgraded version of you. This relationship will probably end as soon as you have a bad hair/face/body day. Therefore, get rid of them before they get rid of you! You are better off without someone who gives superficial loving.
You don’t believe my theory?? Take a look around today.
I bet you will see a hotty with a not-so-hotty – either :-
a) A good-looking hunky guy cuddling up to a short, fat and not-so-good-looking girl
b) A spotty, nerdy, lanky guy cuddling up to a hot ass girl
Once upon a time, they were both hotties, but at the Honeymoon Stage, one of them became not-so-hotty but because the other hotty half was so blinded by love, it did not matter. And they both lived happily ever after. The End.
Last week, my friends and I were at the beach when this European guy approached my girl friend Miss JJ. He was carrying a bottle of beer and asking bizarre questions. I have learnt from previous experience to ignore and walk on when strange men approach me.
Miss JJ is a nice girl and too polite to tell strangers to get lost. She even gave him her REAL name!!! I just didn’t like this dude because he was clearly alcohol-intoxicated and the scary part was when he followed us when we started walking away…
I gave her some wise words later – “Miss JJ, NEVER ever give strangers your REAL name. Always have a fake name ready!”
My sister, Sis 4, also agreed and we shared our fake names. Sis 4 usually goes by the name Sharon. She also has a fake Chinese name – Ga Ling!
I usually use the name Sarah. Plain and simple.
However, after a silly night out, we decided to change our fake names.
Miss JJ became Fergalicious Bring It Take It Bimbimbap Chan.
Sis 4 became Boom Boom Bap.
Ridiculously FAKE! Anyone can spot that these names are FAKE a mile away!!!
I, on the other hand, choose a more discreet and believeable name – Galbi Tang.
Galbi Tang is actually Korean beef soup!!! LOL!
Well, a couple of mornings ago, I was innocently walking to work, slurping on my freshly-made smoothie. I walked into the building and pressed for the lift when this dude started talking to me.
Dude : Hi, is there a coffee shop near here?
Me : Oh I dunno. I’m new here.
Dude : Hey, is that a Cantonese accent I hear? (WTF is a Cantonese accent??!!)
Me : Erm, no. I’m Scottish.
Dude : Oh yes, I can hear it now…
(Lift arrives but the Dude keeps talking…)
Dude : But you look Cantonese… (okay, I’m Chinese and EVEN I sometimes cannot tell whether Asian people are from China or Hong Kong or Malaysia or Singapore or Japan or other Asian race so how can this Caucasian dude know?)
Me : Erm…well…my parents are from Hong Kong…
Dude : HONG KONG? Wow! I’m planning to go there next year and I’m also taking Cantonese lessons…Ngor jong yee heung gong…(= I like Hong Kong)
(I press lift again)
Me : Oh yeah, that’s good…
Dude : Hey listen, why don’t we get together some time and we can discuss Hong Kong together? I’ll give you my business card. I’m Dude and what’s your name again?
Me : Ling… (DOH!!!! He caught me off guard and I gave him my REAL name!!)
Dude : Do you work here?
Me : Yes…(DOH!!! I’m usually good at lying…what happened???!!) Do you work here?
Dude : No I don’t.
He hands me his business card. We say our goodbyes. And then guess what? He walks out of the building….
Yes, the stalker Dude followed me into my work building after spying me on the streets!!! Stalker alert!!
His business card claims he’s a doctor and he owns some medical clinic and he has bad teeth by the way!
I hope he doesn’t come looking for me. I feel so dumb for giving him my real name. It was an opportunity for me to use my fake name Galbi Tang but I wasted it. LOL.
Botox paralyses the muscles which give you wrinkles – forehead, frown line and lines around the eyes.
Anyway, it is no secret that I get Botox-ed. Hey, if I am going to sell it, then I should have it done.
The annoying thing is – once you start this Botox business, you have to maintain it.
I got a dose of Botox before I left the UK in July and less than 6 months later, this has now worn off completely!
I hate seeing those lines when I smile…ARGH!!!
No anti-ageing lotions or potions produce the same effect – I know because I splurge out on all these magic potions and none of them work!
Yesterday, two of my Aussie friends, Mr Pistol and Miss JJ, commented that I don’t look like my “usual glam self” – it’s only because the Botox has worn off and I have that wrinkly raisin forehead. My forehead is alive once again!!!
But it’s okay, my boyfriend still thinks I am attractive – oh wait, did I just spill the beans?
I totally agree with “open relationships”.
Hold on, I mean the OTHER definition of “open relationships”…not the, “I am free to date / sleep with anyone I want” open relationship (read about this here)…but the relationship where it is not secret or hidden love…
I have met guys who want a relationship with me, but they are not prepared to share this with the world. These are the ones who when asked about who they fancy, they will not answer directly.
“Who do you fancy?”
“No-one / your mum (as a joke) / some celebrity”
I used to tolerate some of these guys, but now all I have to say to them is “GET LOST!” because basically, they aren’t real men! They are too scared and too ashamed to tell people.
There are also those couples who don’t answer directly when asked if they are dating or not. What is the deal with that?? It’s simple – Yes we are or No we’re not or We’re considering it… Instead, they have that stupid smug look - “We know, but we’re not gonna tell you” - well, to them, I say “GROW UP!”
Of course, there may be factors like their parents may disapprove of their relationship. Well, to that I say, if the guy is a real man, he would grow some balls and tell her parents how it is and where they stand. “I love her so we’re gonna date and nothing is gonna stop us” or something along those lines.
These are all simply MY opinions, so please don’t get offended.
I will admit that I have been there myself – I harboured a secret relationship for a short while because he was too scared to tell anyone. It was pathetic!
Screw all that! If I enter a relationship, it should be a happy time – so happy that you tell the whole world and be open and honest about it.
Okay, everyone who reads my blogs knows I declare all my relationships on blogs and even when they fail, I still declare it.
Anyway, so there’s no relationship declaration in this post.
But this boyfriend-wannabe has told his friends about me!! Yes, he has!! And I feel the pressure already!!! It’s like, I am dying to tell my friends about him, but they’re all so far away and rarely reply my messages and so I will have to tell my blog readers.
I haven’t got anything to tell except I think this guy must really like me as he has been telling his friends about me already. He doesn’t even live in Sydney!!! I don’t do long-distance relationships…What to do???
May I also add that I had no intentions to start a relationship in Australia because I have no idea how long I am staying here. I think it’s my Scottish accent which is attracting these guys!!!
Who’s the guy? He’s mentioned here – can you guess who it is?