Hong Kong is a vibrant, cultural place which offers cheap shopping and cheap food. If you can’t speak Chinese, please do not panic because the people there speak some English and there are plenty of English signs around. As long as you have a travel guide, Hong Kong money and an Octopus card, you will cope in Hong Kong. Food is amazing in Hong Kong – cheap and yummy. However, to avoid eating chicken feet or pig’s ears, head to international eateries like McDonald’s – do NOT eat KFC – you have been warned!
Hong Kong people will appear rude and they will talk in a loud manner and walk extremely fast. Hong Kong is a city that never sleeps!
If you want to survive in Hong Kong, there are 2 important rules to follow:-
- Do not give eye contact to anyone – if you’re female, men will think you’re giving them the sexy eyes and women will think you’re giving them the evil eye and if you’re male, the vice versa applies.
- Do not smile at anyone – people from Hong Kong never smile! If you smile, they will know that you are a foreigner and will try and scam you.
I stupidly walk around Hong Kong looking like a ‘silly girl’, with a silly grin plastered on my face with a permanent “Where am I?” look – hey, I get lost easily!
Last week, I was happily munching away in a restaurant when this man started talking to me. Note – MAN, not a guy, not a boy, but a Semi-Balding Man (SBM) in his late forties.
SBM said in Cantonese, “Have you eaten here before?”
(okay, sounds like a pick-up line when I translate it into English…)
I HAD eaten there the day before, so I said “Yes, I have.” and then turned back to my food.
THIS DOES NOT EQUAL AN INVITATION TO COME SIT WITH ME!
He moved and sat with me.
SBM : “My name is Gary.”
(Gerryyy – if you pronounce it the Chinglish way)
Me : “My name is Ling.”
(Damn, I gave him my real name)
SBM : “Are you on school holiday?”
(Seriously WTF? Just imagine IF I am a schoolgirl…why the heck ARE you talking to me??)
Me : “No, I am on annual leave.”
…blah blah blah… by this time, I had lost my appetite as he was staring at me while I was eating…
SBM : “I am a TV producer.” and handed me his business card.
I think he was expecting me to go “WOW, you work for a TV company??!!” But I didn’t.
He probably does under-age porno for pervs…
SBM : “Where do you live?”
Me : “Somewhere nearby…”
SBM : “Do you have MSN?”
(MSN? Like, haven’t you heard of facebook?)
Me : “No”
SBM : “I am free on Saturday if you want me to take you out and show you around…”
Me : “NO THANKS!”
Awkward silence ensues…
SBM : “I have to go to work now. But let’s be friends.”
If my Chinese was better, I would have told him to “P*SS OFF!” Instead, I gave him a fake smile and waved him goodbye and made sure I would never eat at that place again.
In conclusion : Look like a moody b*tch when in Hong Kong!
Walking disaster is defined as a person who is prone to accidents
Currently in Chiang Mai, Thailand with Mr Player (from here), my travel buddy and sometimes, I do the funniest things…
Please picture this :-
I went to take a shower while Mr Player watched TV. There are no locks in the toilet; just curtains. The shower was lovely and felt so refreshing after a long day of sightseeing and shopping at the night market. So I get out the shower; put one foot on the marble stone floor and skid! I fly up into the air and head towards the hand basin; I quickly grab the edge before I fly into the curtains.
Emergency landing onto the hard marbled floor was semi-successful – LOL.
My ass suffered the most – lovely bruise formation.
The smartest thing I did was to NOT scream!
Imagine if Mr Player rushed inside to see me in my lovely, naked, highly unflattering position! If it were the old traditional Chinese days, we would have to get married!! NO WAY!!!!
Will be going to Penang, Malaysia next week with my non-blood-related brother, Mr Shrek – he’s 7 years younger than me but he’s more like my big brother because he knows how to take care of me, the walking disaster!
Confucious says – “Man who walk through airport turnstile backward going to Bangkok.”
I had an eventful journey from Hong Kong to Bangkok in Thailand which included :-
- Weakling me had to carry this 20kg suitcase down a big flight of stairs. As I walked towards the taxi stand, I realised the suitcase wheels were faulty, so I had to carry the suitcase up the stairs, back to the flat and quickly repack before dragging another 20kg suitcase down the stairs again. All this in the hot humid Hong Kong weather was no fun!
- I managed to get on the bus to the airport, but I was really worried that I wouldn’t make in time to check-in. Yeah, I was so worried that I didn’t get off at my stop!!
- As a result of my stupidity of forgetting to get off my stop, I had to carry the 20kg suitcase up the biggest flight of stairs onto a bridge which connected to the airport. I run across this bridge and into the airport to the check-in desk…only to discover that my flight had been rescheduled to 2 hours later…(all that rushing about for nothing!)
- Thinking I had lots of free time, I took a big rest after all that running about. I, then line up for my departure gate, get to the front of the queue, but only to discover I was queueing at the wrong gate!!! Flight was going to MUMBAI, via Bangkok!
- Hong Kong people are rather unfriendly so the air attendant person shooed me away, without helping me! I had to run from Gate 1 to Gate 20; I was so worried I had missed my flight (I have missed a flight before…!!) but the plane hadn’t even arrived yet…phew! Blister formation showed how fast I was running!!!
- Finally, I arrive in Bangkok 2.5 hours later than planned, got to my hotel…only to be conned by the taxi driver. He wouldn’t let me out off his taxi until I paid a higher price than we originally agreed on.
In conclusion : These things only happen to me!
Philippians 4:13 - I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
My paternal gran suffered a stroke, fell over and is now in hospital, and has contracted pneumonia.
Doctors have told us to prepare for the worst.
My parents are away to Hong Kong.
It’s an extremely sad time for the family. I find myself struggling to hold back my tears in church, at work and around family and friends.
I love my Gran.
She has taught me 2 important lessons in life :-
1. When I was younger (about 4-5 yrs old), I asked Gran whether I was adopted because my Mum used to smack me all the time for NO reason! (my Mum had anger management issues back then). Gran reassured me that I was from my Mum’s belly. “But it hurts when Mum hits me…” My Gran, the smart woman, told me to pretend to FAINT the next time my Mum smacked me, so that would make her stop. Wow, I thought it was a brilliant idea…. Only problem being, I had never fainted before so I didn’t know how to faint…and then I thought more and more about it and realised that my Mum is even smarter than my Gran and my Mum would most likely figure out that I was pretending and the punishment for that would be 10 times worse than getting smacked. And so, I never complained about being smacked anymore and in fact, I developed a hard skin; so hard, that it didn’t hurt as much anymore. Yup, Gran basically made me realise that I should never try to outsmart the woman who gave birth to me; but to love and to respect her.
2. Gran met the boyfriend last year when we went back to Hong Kong. Mr Geek is the only boyfriend I have introduced as my boyfriend to any of my family (the other boyfriends have only been “guy friends”). I was trying to impress my Gran with how smart, talented and cute Mr Geek is. While all my other aunties and uncles were ooh-and-aahing over “Doctor Geek”, my Gran took me aside.
In a typical loud Chinese manner, she said :-
“It doesn’t matter if he is rich or clever. Dump him if he ever, ever, ever swears at you!”
“He doesn’t swear Gran!”
“No, but if he calls you names e.g. ***a reel of chinese expletives***, you have to dump him!”
As my Gran’s explosive outburst captured the attention of those around us, I just gave her a big hug for looking out for me (I am the firstborn of her eldest son) She taught me to take no sh*t from any man! So watch it, Mr Geek!
Sadly, I am dreading the phone call to inform us that she’s gone…
Looking after my 3 brothers (all under 15 years of age) plus working in the dental practice plus running the household plus semi-working in the takeaway is slowly zapping my energy…
How do single working mothers do it??
Thank God I have Him.
Thank God Sis 4 can cook and lives in Glasgow (Sisters 2 and 3 are in Dundee)
Thank God the Principal at my work is understanding as I have to finish work early to pick up the kids from school
I just pray that Gran will find Him before she leaves us…