Something has been bugging me recently. In fact, a lot of things have been bugging me. But today, I want to share about this. As you all may know by now, I am one of these annoyingly open and honest people. Seriously, if we are on the same wavelength, I will tell you everything you want to know about me – in detail. I believe that I am extremely good to my friends because I basically adore friends. I love having friends and being a good friend to everyone. I am one of those sensitive creatures who get upset if people don’t like me. I will tolerate all sorts just to keep the peace in friendships. I just love friends. (Okay, we get the picture – please move on!!!) Anyway, recently I have come to the realisation that some friends can tell a lie without blinking!! And that bugs me. Why do friends have to lie? And what is it that these friends lie about? It’s dating-related!! And we all know how I, self-confessed love guru, love dating-related topics. Yes, I have friends who have been telling untruths about their new relationships.
Was asking Friend #1 about dating and they said, “Oh, I’m not interested in the opposite sex at the moment. I don’t want to date at the moment.” A couple of weeks later, I discover that Friend #1 is now in a relationship. Maybe, just maybe, Friend #1 changed their mind AFTER I had spoken to them…but I doubt it! Basically, Friend #1 lied.
Was asking Friend #2 about dating. (Yes, I ask a lot of my single friends about dating because seriously, do I really want to ask the boring question, “How is work?“) I asked if Friend #2 liked anyone of the opposite sex. Friend #2 said, “No!” I said, “How about this person (name of my single friend of the opposite sex)? He/she is hot!!” They said, “Nah.” TWO DAYS later, Facebook announces that Friend #2 is in a relationship with the same person I had named. Like hello? Obviously, I am happy for my friend and I congratulated them, but I still cannot believe Friend #2 lied. Friend #2 hasn’t apologised for lying but it’s okay, I forgave them.
This one is a bit twisted so I shall not go into detail. But I discovered that Friend #3 was dating someone from the same sex and basically, living a whole secret life. Okay, cannot disclose any more information. But let’s just say that this friend is extremely good at lying…but then again, did they forget that I am even better at being a detective?!
Maybe I am just uber-sensitive about friendships. But I am sure the Guide To Being A Good Friend states that friends should not lie to each other. (I just made that up so don’t go googling this guide! It doesn’t exist!)
Listen friends, if you are going to lie about dating or being in a relationship, please don’t. Friends should not lie to each other. If you are confronted with a question you do not want to answer, please do this – read here.
In fact, I will even give you some extra help if you do not want to disclose about your dating habits or new relationships.
Do you fancy him/her?
Instead of saying “No” when you clearly do, but you don’t want to admit it, choose from the following :-
- “Everyone is fanciable in their own ways.” - This is a fact. Act coy.
- “Why? Do you?” – Turn it back on the interrogator.
- “It doesn’t matter whether I fancy them…more importantly, does he/she fancy me?” – This will get the interrogator thinking and will divert the attention to someone else.
- “I don’t want to talk about it.” – Simple. This will stop any more questions from the interrogator.
I recently discovered that one of my friends, Friend #4, started dating someone, but they did not lie but instead, used the methods of hiding the truth. I asked Friend #4, “Are you dating anyone?” Now the thing is, I KNEW that Friend #4 is dating someone but they did not lie about it and instead said, “Do you think I have time for dating? I have been working so hard…blah blah…“
Smart. Did not answer the question with a yes or no. Instead answered the question with another question and then proceeded to divert the attention away from the question.
What could I do? Friend #4 did not want to admit their new relationship. But I was happy that Friend #4 did not lie to me. One day when Friend #4 wants to share, I must remember to thank them for not lying to me.
In conclusion : Thou shalt not lie to a good friend. WRONG!
Okay, okay. Maybe I should face reality. Sometimes I may consider someone to be a good friend, but it does not mean that the feeling is mutual…(which is the other thing which is seriously bugging me to the point where it kept me awake last night but I shall share another day…)
In conclusion : Thou shalt not lie, especially to friends. WRONG!
Okay, okay. Just because I consider someone to be my friend, the feeling may not be mutual. They may be two-faced and hate your guts…(which is another thing which has been bugging me. Again, another story…)
In conclusion : Thou shalt not lie.
Just like the ninth commandment in the Bible. Oh yeah!