Morning breath is defined as offensive odour of the mouth upon awakening
Before the boyfriend, My Dorky, leaves for work in the morning, he comes into my room to give me a kiss. This morning, I refused him. Why? Because my breath reeked like no tomorrow. I, Ling Tung, aged 20-something, had morning breath! I was horrified and actually got up to brush my teeth, kiss him goodbye and then go back to sleep.
Usually, I have no such problem but somehow, I have acquired the dreaded morning breath and there’s a reason why. Let’s look at the possible suspects :-
a) Change in diet?
Eating foul-smelling foods, e.g. durian, garlic bread, smelly tofu, before sleeping at night
b) Change in normal sleeping behaviour?
Sleeping with mouth open thereby decreasing saliva flow which means more formation of bacteria
c) Bedtime visits by suicidal spiders?
Spiders like to commit suicide by being swallowed by sleeping humans and the arachnoid corpse can emit a rotting smell
d) Sleepwalking flatmate needs the toilet?
…and mistakes your gaping sleeping mouth to be a toilet and urinates in your oral cavity; while you’re dreaming of drinking warm milk to put you to sleep
e) Change in toothbrushing habits?
And the answer is…. e) change in toothbrushing habits
In Scotland, the toothbrushing routine I recommend is – brush, spit and DON’T rinse! When I tell people that, they look at me as if I am daft! Yes, a daft dentist who went to university for 6 years and doesn’t know how to brush teeth properly!! Yes, they seem to know better than me!!!
“What do you mean ‘Don’t rinse’? Are you sure? I’ve never heard that before!”
Yes, don’t rinse! It’s like that time when you were a child but someone told you that Santa Claus does NOT exist and your whole world was shattered. Sometimes I love the expressions and gasps which are given off when I shatter their lifetime belief of rinsing after brushing. And yet, most of the toothbrushing instruction I give, are to people who DON’T brush their teeth because frankly, they DON’T give a d@mn so it goes in one ear and out the other.
Anyway, don’t rinse. Why? Two words – water fluoridation.
Water fluoridation is defined as the addition of fluoride to public drinking water to reduce tooth decay
Only 10% of UK – mainly West Midlands and North East – have fluoridated water. In Scotland, there is zilch and it needs it the most as it has one of the highest rates of tooth decay – but instead, Scotland has Irn Bru – a fizzy drink with high sugar content!
Therefore, in Scotland, I would brush my teeth, spit and not rinse out the toothpaste suds – and in doing so, it would maximise the amount of fluoride in my mouth, protecting my teeth from tooth decay but also, keeping my mouth minty fresh in the morning.
However, in Australia, there is water fluoridation measures (except in Brisbane) and so, my toothbrushing routine has changed to brush, spit and rinse.
And that rinsing step has given me yukky morning breath. GAH!
In conclusion : Referring to my last blog post about dish-washing, I’d much rather rinse dishes than rinse my mouth!
For more information about water fluoridation and whether you should rinse or don’t rinse, please refer to this link.
The First Kiss in a relationship is a nerve-racking experience for both parties, in my opinion. The First Kiss is not the peck on the cheek / forehead / hand kiss, but the First Kiss is the mouth-to-mouth kiss.
I think that mouth-to-mouth kissing is an intimate exchange of saliva – and from the many mouths I have seen in my dental career, let me tell you that many people do need their mouths washed with soap!!!
Being traditional and conservative, I wait for guys to make the first move. I am too shy.
To all the girls who made the first move and got their guy, good on you!
To all the guys who are too scared to make the first move and lost the girl, grow some balls will you!
The First Kiss is a turning point in the relationship.
It’s almost like an act of commitment and intimacy. Everyone kisses differently and enjoy different types of kisses.
Types Of Mouth-To-Mouth Kisses
1. Soft and gentle – tame and ALMOST suitable for children’s viewing
2. Wet and sloppy – the area covering your lips will be covered in saliva too
3. Tonsil Tennis – someone’s tongue wants to play with someone else’s tonsil – bad for people with a strong gag reflex
4. Lip-Oh-Suck-tion – strong sucking kiss that you think your lip is going to be sucked off
5. Dr Tongue – this is when your tongue is a dentist and explores and examines the other person’s teeth (- come on! I had to include a dentist joke in there somewhere!)
6. Others – please specify if you can think of any other types
The First Kiss may also be a deciding factor about the relationship – in geek-speak – to continue vs game over.
- Pleasant kiss which makes both parties want more
- Breath smells fresh and enticing
- Saliva tastes clean and sweet
- Heart beats faster and really loud
- Followed by a soft moan of pleasure and eyes are twinkling
- Feel all warm and fuzzy inside
- Kiss is a success and executed with perfect timing
- Always remembered as the breath-taking first kiss
- Unpleasant kissing experience for one / both parties
- Breath vulgar and foul
- Saliva tastes like toilet water
- Heart was beating faster till the bad kiss – it has now slowed down to illustrate disappointment
- Followed by a grimace and a subtle look of disgust and a “you-can-stop-right-now!” look in the eyes
- Shudder – you cannot believe you just had such a bad kiss!
- Kiss is a big FAIL!
- Always remembered as the worst kiss ever!
The best advice on making the First Kiss a success is BE PREPARED!
Advice on how to prepare for the first kiss
- Go to the Dentist – get your teeth checked and gums cleaned. If you need a filling done, get it done! Dental fillings are required if your tooth is decayed. Decay means rotting which means bad smell! Get a scale and polish because bad, bleeding gums can also mean bad breath!
- If you are extremely nervous because you have never kissed anyone before, practise on a slice of orange. Please do not practise on your pillow!
- If you are allergic or detest a certain type of food, make sure you have told the other person and vice versa. E.g. I detest “burger breath” so the boyfriend makes sure he never eats that around me. And also, he has a true allergy to prawns – if I didn’t know, I would have been giving him the Kiss of Death!!!
- Try and plan it so that it’s a romantic setting and not the back row of a cinema!
- If you are really paranoid about your breath, then bring a toothbrush and toothpaste and dental floss. Sneak off to the toilet after dinner. If not, chew gum. As for those mint sprays that guys favour, oh please, don’t!
- Please be smart and gauge whether it is appropriate timing to kiss. Guys – Don’t ask “Is it okay if I kiss you?” How is a girl supposed to answer that? Yes – may show desperation. No – would kill the guys ego! Just look for the signals. Girls – please be obvious with those signals!!
Our First Kiss
Well, this is what happened.
I think Mr Dorky did pretty well considering he has never read any of my dating advice.
Anyway, he got me a ticket out of Sydney for a long weekend in Melbourne. I stayed in the spare room in the place he rents with two other flatmates. We had a nice evening out with a nice meal. We had a good chatting session. We were both in pyjamas and had brushed our teeth. While we were sitting down, I noticed a big spider. I have arachnaphobia. Mr Dorky, quick to be my hero, wrapped me in his arms and while I was in a vulnerable and helpless state, he made his move. Just a soft, gentle kiss – a breath-taking First Kiss. Success indeed!
Points To Note
- Good setting after a good date
- Teeth brushed – no worries about breath smells
- Good signals from Ling – “help me” eyes
- Good signals from Mr Dorky – “let me be your hero” arms and eyes
- Perfect timing as the kiss took my mind off that 8-legged-freak
Please kindly share your experiences of your first kiss so we can all learn.
In conclusion : Keep It Simple Stupid!
I decided that from this year, 2009, onwards, I was no longer going to be a walking doormat for people to wipe their dirty paws on.
To all the people who use me as a walking doormat, you are the ones who :-
1. Will only contact me if you need a favour or want information on someone or something (FAKE!)
2. Give me dirty looks when I smile at you (yes, YOU!)
3. Never return my texts or messages on Facebook or phone calls
4. Deliberately don’t invite me to events (but everyone else gets invited)
5. Don’t offer a kind word of concern when you know something traumatic has happened to me
6. Gossip about me behind my back (what goes around, comes around)
7. Always say we should meet up or do something together but you never get round to organising it – you’re too busy for me, but not too busy for anyone else
8. Use and abuse me in some form or other (you know what I’m talking about!)
9. Refuse all my invitations for dinner or movies or something
10. Lie outrageously and don’t confess even when I confront you with the truth
11. Always cancel/not confirm plans till the last minute in case you get a better offer
12. Say mean things to me or constantly put me down (“you’re fat/old/ugly”)
13. Are a guy who stops being nice to me after you realise that I really do mean it when I say “I don’t wanna date you ever!”
14. Only come to my specially organised parties not because of me, but because someone else they want to hang out with is at this party (easily identified by those who, when asked if they’re coming, they answer with “who else is going?”)
15. Never apologise for any wrongdoings
…please forgive me when I suddenly don’t flash you my amazing smile or hang out with you or talk to you anymore. Get your paws off me!
I want to expel all the negativity these people bring into my life.
It’s not as if I haven’t tried. It’s just that I am exhausted and disappointed with your constant mis-behaviour of ill-treating me when I only want to be your friend.
I will be civil.
I will play nice even when you haven’t.
BE WARNED : You may get my fake smile – my fake smile consists of lips only (no teeth) – not a pretty sight!!!
= FAKE = DANGER
= TRUE = SAFE!!!
DIY is the acronym of do it yourself which is defined as performing a task which is usually relegated to an expert
I am astounded at how many people have asked me the same question. In the name of research (and a hint of teeth vanity), I got a lower train track metal brace, (= orthodontic lower fixed brace) fitted a few months ago.
I did not really need it (I was gifted with this bright and beautiful cheesy smile! Thank you God!)…but I had this 1mm squint which I wanted corrected on one of my lower incisors. (In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t bothered as it’s been giving me so much hassle.)
Anyway, when people see my lower brace, they ask :-
“Did you do that yourself?”
a) Me dentist; not orthodontist
b) Can anyone actually perform difficult dental procedures on themselves?
I broke my brace and tried fixing it by myself in my mouth today while looking at the mirror…it so DID NOT work..and I successfully made my situation worse! My orthodontist is gonna kick my butt!!
However, I once worked with this dentist who had bad toothache. He said he took a BIG SWIG of whisky, and then proceeded to yank out his own tooth!!!!
Dentists always tell the patients how important it is to have regular 6 monthly check-ups….We are SUCH hypocrites!!!
When was MY last check-up?? Erm..
More importantly, who IS my dentist? I have none!!!
My lower wisdom tooth is hurting…for that, I would recommend hot salty mouthwashes…have I done so?? AS IF!!
It got me thinking of what professions can be DIY-ed…
- Surgeons doing surgery on their own bodies – NO!
- Hairdressers cutting their own hair – MAYBE
- Masseuse massaging their own back – only if they’re superbendy
…endless list goes on…
Saying that, I am tempted to do some DIY Botox…if you see me with wonky eyebrows one day, you will know why! Lol.