Last night as I was settling down to sleep, I received a message from a high school girlfriend telling me that my high school best friend was going to have lunch with the Queen today. Yes, the Queen of UK. My instant thought was “Cool!”…and then I wondered why she got an invite and I didn’t. Is she 100 years old? No. (I think I read somewhere that 100-year-olds get a telegram from the Queen and an invite to lunch or something…)
It turns out it is something to do with the lingerie business she launched a few years ago which has gained recognition in UK, Paris and New York!! (How do I know? I just spent 1 hour of my sad Melburnian-suburban-life googling her and her company!!) She has done really well for herself and I am happy for her. But at the same time, I’m like – “Dammit!!! Why can’t I sew??”
Anyway, she used to be my best friend…but then we grew apart. Actually, that’s how I like to remember it. But in reality…it was a bit of a twisted story. Which I am now ready to share to the whole freakin’ world.
The story also explains why I started to avoid girls at all costs as they are scarily weird…and I preferred having guy friends – even though I knew some of them had ulterior motives…again, another story which I shall tell another day… But before I do, I wanted to say that the current girlfriends I have are totally awesome…and I have started making plenty of girlfriends in Australia too…okay, that’s a lie…it’s only a small handful…as I am still slightly scared of females…
The Story About My High School Best Friend
As per usual, no names shall be revealed, so my high school best friend shall be known as Missy.
Missy and I became best friends in high school. We were not popular enough to be in the popular crowd and we were not geeky enough to be in the geeky crowd. We were inbetweeners. We were joined at the hip. We had a great friendship. I did think it was odd when she started copying my handwriting – and I confronted her but she denied it. But she totally did copy me!! But that’s okay because I’d copy her homework and vice versa. We shared secrets and giggled about boys and talked about our periods and getting our first bras. We used to write each other long letters all the time even though we saw each other every day at school. It was special.
We were good together for 2 years…and then one summer, things changed. She got a boyfriend. She started smoking “stuff” and listening to weird music and dressing funny, i.e. goth. I think in today’s terms, she would be in the “emo” group. Anyway, I tried to fit in…I really did. I tried listening to all the depressing “I-want-to-slit-my-wrists” music and wear black from head to toe and I even wore blue lipstick. But I was faking it. I didn’t belong there.
I used to be really generous and gave her nice, thoughtful presents all the time but she would always say she had no money to spend on me…but I didn’t care because she was my best friend. But then, she forgot my birthday…I waited for her to phone me (back then, we didn’t have e-mail or mobile phones!)…but I was no longer important and that really hurt me. She stopped caring about me. She was only interested in her older Kurt-Cobain-wannabe-but-never-would-be boyfriend and his friends.
(OMG…this actually makes me sad because I am actually crying as I write this!!! Stupid female hormones!!!)
When I look back now, I can tell that she was dying to get rid of me in the final few months of high school…but I hung around like a bad smell!! To be honest, I just didn’t have any other friends who would take me into their clique. In fact, sometimes when Missy wasn’t at school, I used to either sit by myself (like a total reject) or if I couldn’t hack the loneliness, I’d skip school! (I hated high school!!!)
After high school, instead of going to university straight away, I went to college…because Missy went to that college. Yes, I was following her around like a sick puppy!!! However, she kicked me to the kerb, but I found some nice girls to hang out with. Even though they were lovely girls, this never came close to the friendship Missy and I shared. Partly due to my fault as I had my defences up from the start.
Fast forward a few years…and thanks to Facebook, it enables you to connect with people from your past! And somehow, one day I found myself meeting Missy and the high school girlfriend (who I mentioned earlier – the one who told me about Missy meeting the Queen for lunch today) for a cup of tea. At that stage in my life, I was a young confident woman who had endured a very emotional engagement break-up but I was positive and I had a successful career. Missy was happily engaged but struggling with work as she was about to launch her website for her lingerie small business. It was strange seeing her again. I was very glad that it wasn’t a one-to-one meet-up. It was superficial…but there were no bad feelings. (And she was no longer goth!!)
And then we arranged to catch up again for another drink – she had alcohol and I stuck with Diet Coke. This time it was one-to-one and we talked a bit deeper about our lives. We were really different…but that was good. I didn’t feel like I had to like what she liked anymore to fit in. The last time I heard from her was when she invited me to the pub for drinks with her friends – of which I declined…because I was scared, you know. I was worried that I would be judged as I don’t enjoy the pub lifestyle…I stopped drinking alcohol after university…and basically, I was worried that I wouldn’t fit in and once again, I would face rejection from Missy. I couldn’t handle that pain again.
Maybe I am jealous? Maybe I am not? I haven’t finished dissecting it all yet. All I know is that I feel better after blogging it out. Blogging is therapeutic for me! But anyway, yes, I do feel a bit crap. Today my high school best friend lunched with the Queen because she has a successful lingerie business. In contrast to me – I went to work in the government dental clinic (read : crap pay!) – because the dentist who usually works is on holiday . Basically, I can’t get a proper job that I love and I lunched on cup-a-soup noodles today!!! Who would you rather be? Me or her? EXACTLY!!! Groan!! Maybe one day I will become a successful…something…?? BLEH!!! Do you know what I am really good at? I am really good at moaning and complaining about everything and anything! YAY!!!